friday’s hot chick

Vida Guerra. And her ass.

1. The shot that made her famous.
2. This one is good.
3. I want her on her hands and knees.
4. Oh, these are NSFW by the way.
5. She’s really just Latina, with fake boobs and a huge ass. I guess thats enough.
6. Thanks you, Jebus.

LCS outlook from HHY

I did somewhat well in my predictions for the Division series. Of the teams I picked to advance, only the Cubs failed to make it to baeball’s final four. And with all honesty, my first reaction was that the D-Backs would beat them, but I was swayed by all the pro-Cub talk here in Chicago. I should of known better.

So here is my preview of the two league championship series. Lets start with the American League.

Boston-Cleveland: This matchup isn’t getting the publicity it should, shockingly. I think its the best ALCS matchup since the Yankees-Red Sox series in 2003 and 2004. I sense that the Red Sox fans, unlike the Yankees fans, truly respect and fear what the Indians are capable of. They might be the only team in the league that can match the starting pitching the Red Sox throw out there.

But the Indians’ problem in this series lies at the end of the bullpen. There will be at least one or two games in this best of seven which will come down to the late inning pitching, and while the Indians have great 7th and 8th inning guys, their closer is absolutely atrocious. One of the biggest baseball questions of 2007 has to be how Joe Borowski, with an ERA over 5, had 45 saves. Game 4 against the Yankees was a perfect example. Joe came in with a four run lead, gave up two bombs and held on for a 6-4 win.

Meanwhile, the Red Sox throw Jonathan Papelbon out there in the ninth, a guy who was absolutely unhittable until August and is still one of the three or four best closers in the game. Consdering how good of clutch hitters the Red Sox are, I highly doubt the Indians will be able to hold one run leads in the ninth. And obviously, thats huge. These teams, outside of their closers, are relatively evenly matched….so Cleveland needs to pull out every close game they can. And I think anything less than a two-run lead in the ninth is flimsy for the Tribe.

Therefore I’m going to pick Boston in 7. I really, really want Cleveland to win. Imagine being an Indians fan right now: your team hasn’t won since 1948, and you might be able to beat New York and Boston en route to the World Series. Talk about icing on the cake. Even a fan of the rival White Sox is envious of that possibility. But I think Beckett and Sabathia will cancel each other out, and while Carmona is better than Schilling, Curt takes him game to another level in the playoffs. Plus, I think Borawski will blow a Carmona game, if Fausto isn’t able to go the distance. Look for Boston to win two games off the Indian bullpen and hold off the Tribe in a great series.

Arizona-Colorado: Let me first say I think its horrible there are still thousands of seats available for this series in Phoenix. Your team won a title in 2001, they have a great young team and a solid chance at winning another, and you can’t sell out a 45,000 seat stadium? That’s fucking horseshit. Lets contract Florida, Tampa Bay, Washington, and Arizona, go back to the 28-team major leagues, and have a contraction draft. With the first pick the White Sox select Bradnon Webb.

Anyway, this is an evenly matched series. Everything I hear from the ‘experts’ is that about half are picking the D-Backs and half are picking the Rockies. Of course, Jesus is taking the Rockies in 6. I’m going to disagree with Jesus.

The Rockies are really hot right now, but the Diamondbacks have homefield advantage (even with the empty seats), a great bullpen and timely hitting. Those three things will outlast a hot streak every time. Also, as well as Jeff Francis and the rest of the Rockie rotation has been pitching, I think the Diamondbacks will put that to an end. I’m taking Arizona in 6.

So I suppose I’m picking Boston and Arizona. Ick.

HHY’s Week 6 predictions

Had another plus-.500 week; my record is now near Everyones on Steroids’ mark, and he’s not even picking against the spread. Yeah, bite it. Anyway, here’s the picks:

Season: 36-33-7, Best Bets: 6-8-1

Cincinnati (-3) over Kansas City
Houston (+7) over Jacksonville
Miami (+5) over Cleveland
Chicago (-6) over Minnesota
Philadelphia (-3) over NY Jets
Baltimore (-10) over St. Louis
Tampa Bay (-3) over Tennessee
Washington (+3) over Green Bay
Carolina (+4) over Arizona
Dallas (+6) over New England
San Diego (-10) over Oakland
Seattle (-7) over New Orleans
NY Giants (-3.5) over Atlanta

Best Bets: 1. NY Giants, 2. Cincinnati, 3. Baltimore

lets keep it real sexy fellas…..thats my dawgs

Esquire magazine named Charlize Theron the sexiest woman alive this month. No offense to Charlize; she’s way hot. And I realize the point of these ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ things is to spark conversation and sell magazines. And usually I agree with Esquire (last year was Scarlett; the year before was Jessica Biel, I believe).

I have already ran down my top ten, which you can find somewhere on this blog. (If you haven’t read it and want to read it, go look for it, fools). But this entry serves two purposes: to update the site and to give Sarah Shahi the pub she richly deserves.

Is she the hottest chick alive. I don’t know. But I recently was reminded how hot she was, so I wanted to provide some links of Sarah. So here’s a Wednesday sampling of Sarah Shahi:

• Link 1
• Link 2
• Link 3
• Link 4
• Link 5

I could go on all day. Thank you for being so hot, Sarah.

   

PS–Sarah was on the ‘L Word’ show, so if you go to youtube I’m pretty sure you can find video of her in sex scenes with chicks. So you got that going for you. Which is nice.

Week 5 Roundup. (And fuck Norv Turner).

Yeah, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about. An absolutely horrible week of boring ass games was capped off with the mighty Bears slapping the Packers around Lambeau. (What, a 7-point win when you force 5 turnovers and the other team commits 12 penalites isn’t a slap? Fuck you.)

The only thing that could of made this weekend any better was if the Cubs got shut down by Livan Hernandez. Oh, that happened? Oops.

Anyway, here’s a roundup of the stellar rather crappy Week 5 NFL games.

Tennessee 20, Atlanta 13–This would have been a great matchup of running QBs if the dog murderer hadn’t gotten caught. Damn the man. Anyway, the Titans turned the ball over 5 times and that still wasn’t enough for the Falcons to pull out the road win. With the score tied at 13 late in the third quarter, Titan Pacman Jones Vincent Fuller intercepted a Joey Harrington pass and ran 76 yards for a touchdown. Tennessee would have been my suicide pool pick had that fucking asswipe Norv Turner not shit the bed in week 4. Seriously, I’m thinking of renaming this blog ‘Fuck Norv Turner.’ Dot com. Or org. I don’t know.

Jacksonville 17, Kansas City 7–So week one, Tennessee runs for almost 300 runs on Jacksonville. Now, in week 5, with Larry Johnson, the Chiefs run for 10 yards. 10 fucking yards? How bad is the Chief offensive line. Folks, if you play fantasy football, and you have LJ: trade him for whatever you can get now. Or wait until he has a somewhat decent game. Because that team just sucks. I cannot believe they beat the Chargers last week. THATS how bad of a coach Norv Turner is. Seriously, fuck Norv Turner.

Arizona 34, St. Louis 31–A lot of talk around the blogosphere about the Cardinals being the team to beat in the NFC West. Folks, the Rams offense is absolutely atrocious and it scored 31 on these guys. Brian Leonard went over 100 yards. That dude didn’t even start for Rutgers at halfback last year. Rutgers. The Cardinals will be lucky to win 8 games. But that might be good enough to make the playoffs.

New England 34, Cleveland 17–I know this is going to sound stupid, but after this game I have more respect for the Browns than I did going in. I’m not saying they are going to challenge Pittsburgh in the AFC North, but they almost covered the spread. That’s more than we can say for the other Patriot opponents this year. There must be something wrong with Tom Brady because he had 16 incompletions. What a suckbag. (He also had 3 touchdowns and almost 300 yards passing).

Carolina 16, New Orleans 13–The Saints are really, really bad. Marques Colston is having a really bad sophomore campaign. Reggie Bush is a solid weapon, but without someone to spell him while running between the tackles, he’s just not going to be as effective. Also, Drew Brees is really pressing. He had another 2 picks, including one to ex-Bear Chris Harris. Although they won the game, the Panthers had a rough day as Jake Delhomme is feared out for the season. So, basically, the Bucs won the NFC South because David Carr is just gross.

NY Giants 35, NY Jets 24–This might be one of the most entertaining games of the day, as the Giants came back from a ten-point third quarter deficit to blow out the Jets. Plaxico Burress is an absolute monster, with the talent to really dominate if he would stay interested throughout the season. The Giants also may have found something in the backfield, as the one-two punch of Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward looked great. But what really came across in this game was that Chad Pennington is no longer an NFL quarterback. He’s a solid backup, thats all. Chad had five interceptions in the last two weeks, and each was an absolutely horrible throw. Pennington has bad arm strength, so he has to make concise, smart passes. If he’s not doing so, he’s a weak armed Rex Grossman.

Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 0–The Seahawks avenged their Super Bowl XL loss by thrashing the Steeler defense to the tune of 144 total yards and just over 19 minutes of possession in the shutout loss. Willie Parker and the basket shitter combined for 160 yards rushing and Ben Roethlisberger had a very smart, efficient day (18-for-22, 1 touchdown, 0 interceptions).

Washington 34, Detroit 3–Seriously, this Lions team beat the Bears? They scored 34 in the 4th quarter last week? Christ, the Bears suck. Anyway, Mark Sellers put on a damn highlight show by catching a touchdown pass and absolutely obliterating Lions safety Kenoy Kennedy on another reception. Jason Campbell is rounding into a solid quarterback, and with his improved play and a strong defense, the Redskins definitely look like the Cowboys’ only real competition in the division.

Houston 22, Miami 19–Dude, Kris Brown is a fucking beast. He went 5-for-5, including a game-winning 57 yarder to win the game. Tell me who should be player of the week other than Kris? I mean, ECUM’s favorite basket shitter only had 2 touchdowns. I am naming Kris Brown ECUM’s favorite kicker, from this day forward. This motherfucker scored 16 points by himself! Yeah, Kris! Get some!

Indianapolis 33, Tampa Bay 14–This is how good the AFC is. The Colts didn’t have their starting running back or wide receiver. They were playing the best team in the NFC South. And they won by 19. Christ. I think the New England-Indianapolis game in a few weeks might be the best sporting event in the history of the world. Anything less than a 48-45 OT game will be a letdown. Anyway, the dude thats always in those commercials had 253 yards passing and 2 touchdowns, and Kenton Keith came in for my fantasy starter Joseph Addai and put up 158 total yards and 2 scores. Kenton Keith: 27 fantasy points.

San Diego 41, Denver 3–The Broncos are dead, folks. Think about it: Denver has been good or great almost every year since John Elway was playing. Since the mid-80s, I can’t think of a really bad Broncos team. This might be it. Sure, the Chargers were playing for their season. But 41-3 at Invesco? Wow. Norv did manage to hold LT scoreless again, and guys who had the number one pick in their fantasy drafts will continue to convert to voodoo just to stick pins in a miniature Norv in order to get LT some fucking red zone touches.

Baltimore 9, San Francisco 7–No one wants to read about this game. What a shitfest.

Chicago 27, Green Bay 20–Hey, I’ll take it. But I haven’t seen a team just give away a game like the Packers did yesterday. They had five turnovers. 12 penalties. The Packers playcalling was absolutely horrible. The Bears scored to make it 20-17, and on the ensuing possession the Packers run three times in the middle of the line and punt. Also, why didn’t the Packers just run that little slant about 44 times? The Bears couldn’t stop it unless Tillman stripped the ball. And that two-minute drill was really bad. Me thinks Mike McCarthy sucks as a coach. And the Bears still only won by a score. But again, it doesn’t count less than a 45 point win, so fuck it. Lets take on the Vikes next week, get back to .500, and cruise into the Philly game.

Friday’s Hot Chick

Courtesy of Barstool Sports, a salute to cheerleading.

Lord help me if Sarah Shahi isn’t the hottest piece of ass ever.

This guy is my new favorite author

Big Daddy Drew is a contributor to one of my favorite blogs, ‘Kissing Suzy Kolber’ (see link on the left side of page–I don’t feel like linking it here). He also comments on the sports blog, ‘Deadspin.’ And if I’m not mistaken, he is the genius behind last year’s series involving the antics of the Sex Cannon, aka Rex Grossman. If you haven’t read these pieces before, stop what you are doing immediately, go to KSK, search for these articles, and prepare to have a fantastic four minutes. Or longer, if you’re somewhat illiterate.

This season he has been contributing a weekly NFL piece called something like ‘Big Daddy Drew’s Dick Joke Jambaroo’ or some shit. Anyway, its fucking hilarious. Read the most recent one here. Search Deadspin for the other four Jambaroos if you like that one. If you don’t like it, swallow some pills with a quart of Gordon’s Gin because I don’t want to be friends with you and you do not deserve to breathe air anymore.

Thanks.

Week 5 predictions from HHY

Fresh off my best week of the year, I am ready to throw down here in Week 5.

29-27-6 overall, 5-7 best bets

Arizona (-3) over St. Louis
Tennessee (-8.5) over Atlanta
Carolina (+3) over New Orleans
New England (-16.5) over Cleveland
Detroit (+3.5) over Washington
Jacksonville (-1) over Kansas City
Miami (+5.5) over Houston
NY Jets (+3.5) over NY Giants
Pittsburgh (-6) over Seattle
Tampa Bay (+10) over Indianapolis
Baltimore (-3) over San Francisco
San Diego (+1) over Denver
Green Bay (-3.5) over Chicago
Buffalo (+10) over Dallas

Best Bets: 1. Baltimore, 2. Arizona, 3. New England

the real problem with the chicago bears offense

Yeah, it turns out it wasn’t Rex after all. Who would have thunk it? (Oh, yeah, me).

But I wasn’t the only one that saw past Rex’s horrible passes and into deeper reasons for the Bears offensive ineptitude. The receivers drop passes and outside of Bernard Berrian, don’t get open frequently. The offensive line seems half as effective as they were in 2006, both in the passing game and in the running game.

But the real issue is Cedric Benson. The guy is not an every down, load-bearing back.

Sure, like I said earlier, the offensive line isn’t opening the same holes. But it can’t be doing that much worse than in 2006. And I’m not buying into the idea that many meathead Bears fans believe, that with Thomas Jones the offense would be cruising along. Check Jones’ stats with the Jets. He’s not exactly tearing it up.

But if a guy is going to be a focal point of an offense, a 300-carry, 1200-yard plus running back, shouldn’t he be the a top ten or top fifteen back? I think so. And yet, if the Bears had their choice, I bet there are a ton of running backs in the league they would start ahead of Benson for the remainder of this season.

In fact, lets go with that premise: How many active running backs would I, hardawayhatesyou, rather have as the Bears’ premier back for the remaining twelve games on the schedule?

• Dallas: 2; Marion Barber is a definite and Julius Jones is a strong back who has proven he can be a number one back.
• Philadelphia: 1; Brian Westbrook is an absolute yes–sure he might break down on his first carry, but if he’s healthy he is a beast.
• NY Giants: None; You could make an argument for both Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward, but neither have proven to me that they can be an every-down NFL back.
• Washington: 2; While Clinton Portis has not shown the same burst in DC as he did in Denver, he’s definitely better than Benson. Ladell Betts went over 1000 yards last year and is a strong runner.
• Minnesota: 2; Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor are both better than Benson.
• Detroit: None; Like the Giants, Detroit has two backs–Tatum Bell and Kevin Jones–who one could argue are better than Benson, but I’m not ready to go there. Jones would be a definite yes if I thought he could last more than six games.
• Green Bay: None; Maybe in a year or two Brandon Jackson will be a stud, but I’d take my chances with Benson at this moment. I’ll take their quarterback, though.
• Seattle: 1; Shaun Alexander is a definite yes.
• San Francisco: 1; Frank Gore, despite his recent struggles, is clearly a better option.
• St. Louis: 1; Steven Jackson, see the Gore comments.
• Arizona: 2; Here is where I might lose some people. Edgerrin James is easily better, but I’m also gonna throw Marcel Shipp as a better option than Benson. Shipp had over 800 yards on 188 and 224 carries, respectively, in 2002 and 2003. He also had 103 receptions in his first three seasons. So yes, I’d rather have Marcel Shipp than Cedric Benson. Wow.
• Tampa Bay: 1; And its not Carnell Williams. I’m going to go with Earnest Graham, a guy who is just recently getting a chance. He runs hard and finishes his runs with a fervor I have never seen out of Benson.
• Carolina: None; DeShaun Foster and DeAngelo Williams are the two backs in Carolina, and while both might be better, I wouldn’t necessarily want both ahead of Benson. Foster can impress, but he is really injury-prone.
• New Orleans: 1; Reggie Bush isn’t an every down NFL runner, but I’d take him ahead of Benson. And this number would be 2 if Deuce McAlister hadn’t just blown out his knee.
• Atlanta: 1; Warrick Dunn has proven he can carry the load successfully. Jerious Norwood might pass Benson by the end of the season, as well.
• Indianapolis: 1; Joseph Addai is a monster.
• Tennessee: None; Although Vince Young might be a better running back than anyone on the Bears roster.
• Jacksonville: 2; Maurice Jones-Drew has not played well in 2007, but I saw enough out of him last year to know that he’s better than Benson. And yes, I’m going to say I’d rather go to bat with Fred Taylor. Taylor is about as injury-prone as it gets, but when healthy, he might be one of the ten most talented and hard-working backs in the NFL.
• Houston: None; No, Ahman Green is not better than Cedric Benson. Its close, though.
• Cincinnati: 1; Rudi Johnson, no question, and Kenny Watson–if ever given an opportunity–could prove to be an adequate dual threat out of the backfield.
• Cleveland: None; I am not a Jamal Lewis fan. Unless I can get the 2003 version.
• Baltimore: 1; Willis McGahee is not a picture of health, but he’s clearly a better player than Cedric.
• Pittsburgh: 1; Willie Parker, absolutely. And I’m tempted to add Najeh Davenport here, partly because he is a tough runner and partly because he once took a dump in a girl’s laundry basket.
• New England: 1; I love Laurence Maroney, although he seems pretty injury-prone. Sammy Morris may be a solid back, but I’m not ready to say he’s a better option than Benson.
• Miami: 1; Ronnie Brown’s resurgence this year has me flabbergasted.
• NY Jets: None; This is interesting. I have to divulge that I agreed with the decision the Bears made in trading Jones and allowing Benson to be the number one guy. Jones, while hard-working and a leader, isn’t fast and doesn’t break enough tackles to be considered a better option than Benson.
• Buffalo: 1; Marshawn Lynch has already proven to be what Benson should be, and he’s only been in the league for a month. Damn.
• San Diego: 2; I’m not even going to argue about one of these; and yes, I think Michael Turner, while having never had more than 25 carries in an NFL game, has shown enough that I would want him to be the Bears running back in the last twelve games of the season.
• Denver: 1; Travis Henry is better, although its hard to tell how good Bronco backs are because almost everyone can rush for 1200 yards there.
• Kansas City: 1; LJ is better, no question.
• Oakland: None; I’ll believe the Lamont Jordan renassiance when he carries the load for a full season with either sucking or blowing out a knee. Although I like the idea of Justin Fargas, Huggy Bear’s son, being an NFL star.

So there you have it. A total of 28 running backs in the league are better options than Cedric Benson. Six teams have two backs on their current roster who I would rather see taking the bulk of Bear carries for the remainder of 2007. And only nine squads have the same issues at running back as Chicago does. Of those nine teams, only Detroit, Green Bay, and Tennessee have winning records. Detroit won’t have one by the end of the year; the Packers and Titans have superhuman quarterbacks to even things out.

So there ya go. The answer is not actually Brian Griese, or someone else behind center; its the guy behind the guy.

hhy’s 2007 baseball postseason outlook

Oh, what excitement. The 2007 postseason is upon us, and for the White Sox and Cardinal fans who write this site, it really couldn’t be better than to see the Cubs in the postseason. Outside of watching our teams battle for (another) title, the next best thing is to see how in the world the Cubs will choke this year.

Ah, I’m just playing, Cub fans. I won’t be cheering against you; in fact, I would love to actually see what would happen in this city if the Cubs won. Would the city implode? Mass orgies on Waveland? Dogs and cats living together? Who knows.

But will it happen? Can the Cubs overcome the hilariously exciting and ridiculous National League playoffs? Here’s a breakdown of the four first round series, complete with predictions that are sure to…….be not right. (Ha! I’m original!):

Cubs vs. Diamondbacks: It seems to me that this series could be decided by the end of Game 1. If the Cubbies can find a way to beat Brandon Webb, the D-Backs don’t have much of a chance to get back to Arizona for a chance to win the series in 5. They surely won’t win three in a row if they lose Game 1. After Webb, Doug Davis, Livan Hernandez and Micah Owings figure to face Ted Lilly, Rich Hill and Zambrano on the turn around. Those are ugly matchups for the D-Backs. I see Webb pulling off a close win in Game 1 over Zambrano, maybe a 2-1 type score. I then see the Cubs rattling off three straight, clinching the series in 4 with a weekend win at Wrigley, even if Arizona brings Webb back to start an elimination game. Cubs 3 games to 1.

Phillies vs. Rockies: Did you guys watch the Rockies-Padres game last night? Did you see the fat douchebag who had his little rat dog sitting on his lap behind home plate? How do you get a dog in the park? Why bring a dog? How does anyone who would bring a dog to a baseball game get seats in the first row behind the plate? It totally flabbergasted me throughout the game. Anyway, all signs point to the Phillies dominating this series. They can match the Rockies’ offensive output, and they have far superior starting pitching. The Rockies are the hottest team in baseball, but the Phils might be a close second. There is really nothing that shows me that the Phillies should lose more than one game in this series. That’s why I’m picking Colorado. What I saw last night was something I haven’t seen out of any other team in these playoffs, at least to this point: baseball magic. Down 2 runs in the 13th against Trevor Hoffman? Double, double, triple, walk, sac fly, we win. Wow. Look for Matt Holliday to show all casual fans that he is rightful winner of the 2007 NL MVP in a close race over the Phillies’ Jimmy Rollins. Rockies 3 games to 2.

Red Sox vs. Angels: As much as I like the idea that the Angels are playing ‘National League baseball’ in the American League, I just don’t see how they match up in any way with Boston. Unless John Lackey can beat Josh Beckett twice in this series, the Halos don’t stand a chance. Vlad Guerrero’s October collapses will continue, and the Red Sox will cruise to an easy sweep of Anaheim (not LA Angels of Anaheim, that shits dumb). Red Sox 3 games to none.

New York vs. Cleveland: As an AL Central guy, I thought in March that the Indians were the team to beat in the division, and they proved me right. But they did it a bit differently than I thought. While Travis Hafner didn’t have his usual scary offensive season, Fausto Carmona came out of nowhere and gave the Tribe an awesome 1-2 punch in the rotation. Meanwhile, while everyone decided the Yankees were done in June, I warned fellow fans that the Yankees do this shit every year: they suck for like 2 or 3 months, then Torre and the boys make the necessary roster adjustments, their lineup gets hot and they make the playoffs. Since I’ve been right about these teams all year, believe me when I say that the Indians will beat the Yankees. The Yankees are the sexier pick, and the media will hope and plead for a Red Sox-Yanks ALCS. But even the New York lineup won’t beat Carmona and Sabathia 3 times in 4 starts. Indians 3 games to 1.

So there it is. Cubs-Rockies and Red Sox-Indians. So be sure to look for Diamondbacks-Phillies and Angels-Yankees.