A Very Sexy Post

I like making lists. Ironically, I hate list TV shows, like the “40 Greatest Fashion Crimes” or “101 Sexiest Goatees.” That shit seems arbitrary and weak. Unlike the list I am about to make.

A few years back I wrote a myspace blog (yes, myspace….fuck you) about ten women who I thought were the hottest. It got a lot of worldwide attention. (And by ‘worldwide attention’, I mean 4 or 5 friends commented on it.)

Well, I thought I would update the list. But this time, I will include my favorite picture of said person as a link. Maybe my blog partner in crime will follow up with his own list, although–outside of his current very hot girlfriend–he has horrible taste in women (he once told me Kirsten Dunst was hot).

10) Lindsay Lohan–Li Lo and I have had a temestous, off-and-on relationship. When ‘Mean Girls’ came out, I felt very creepy because she was 17 and I would of made her an easy top-3 pick. Then she went heavy on the coke and hair bleach, and she dropped out of my top 100. But lately, she’s found a happy medium with her weight and hair color. Sure, she has issues and is probably going to be found dead in a dumpster soon, but no one is perfect. http://www.moviemachine.nl/images/news/lohan,%20lindsay%2022.jpg

9) Kim Kardashian–Most of you won’t know who the hell this chick is. Her father was one of the dudes that defended OJ. So that’s why she’s even slightly famous. Also, she made a sex tape with some dude and it “got out” a while back. So she’s probably a skank. Outside of that, I really don’t know much about her. But she has huge boobs, a big butt, and is dark and pretty hot. http://www.m90.org/gallery/paparazzi/kim_kardashian_vivid_6_big.jpg

8) Anne Hathaway–My brother has liked this girl for a while, but I didn’t see it. She’s cute, but she didn’t ‘move me’. But recently she’s gotten much hotter. Maybe its the see-thru dresses she wears all the time. Maybe she stopped doing Disney movies so I don’t feel creepy about this anymore. But I like. http://garfieldridge.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/anne_hathaway.jpg

7) Stacy Keibler–I don’t watch wrestling. And apparently she’s on the ‘George Lopez Show’, but I wouldn’t know because I don’t watch that either. I’ve seen it–its not bad. But its not appointment television. So I’m basing Stacy’s ranking on a few magazine layouts I’ve seen, and this picture here. http://www.funmansion.com/images/keibler5.jpg

6) Diora Baird–See, I don’t just go with the common beliefs. I find hot chicks who no one really knows about. Diora was in ‘Wedding Crashers’, I guess, but I don’t remember her. She also did Playboy, I think. All I know is, she has big natural boobs and is hot as hell. That’s really all it takes to get in my top 10. I’m not choosy. http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r2/Zoidby3/DioraBaird22.jpg

5) Christina Aguilera–X-Tina was never one of my favorites. When she first burst upon the scene, she was too young and cutesy. Then she got the dark hair and was all makeup-ed out, and she kinda looked like a pre-op tranny. But then she bleached her hair blond and got fake boobs. Great choices. Now hopefully her recent pregnancy doesn’t ruin her tight little figure. http://www.yoest.org/archives/christina_aguilera_gqmag_wiregirl_vertical.jpg

4) Jessica Alba–Remember that streak that Florida State football had in the 80s and 90s? They finished in the top 5 every year for like 20 years? Jessica Alba is the Florida State of hot chicks. Everyone has her somewhere in the top 10. She was my number one for a long time, but recently she’s gotten way too skinny and lost some of her curves. But her face is so gorgeous that even if she got REALLY SKINNY, she’d stiull be hotter than 99.9 percent of the actresses out there. http://www.cassiel.net/Galleries3/Jessica_Alba/images/Jessica_Alba_15.jpg

3) Poppy Montgomery–Poppy is some Austrailian actress. She’s on one of the CSIs or something. I really have never seen her act or do an interview or anything. She’s number three on this list because she did a layout for one of those dumb men’s magazines like ‘Maxim’ or ‘Stuff’ a year or so ago, and this was one of the pictures from it. Its been burned into my mind ever since. http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/7876/poppy1b8ux4bv.jpg

2) Jessica Biel–Jessica has really grown on me. She was kind of plain a few years ago. I thought she was really pretty and all, but not ‘hot.’ But ever since the scene in ‘Summer Catch’ (horrid movie) of her in the bikini and later in the pool, she’s been in the everythingscomingupmilhouse top 10. And now she’s number two. http://upx.primenova.com/2/jb/Jessica_Biel-12.jpg

1) Scarlett Johannsen–Like 5 or 6 years ago, I rented this movie titled ‘Ghost World’. The movie was OK, but this girl–who couldn’t have been more than 18 at the time–really stood out. It wasn’t so much her acting, but her look. And her voice. She wasn’t hot, per se–there was just something about her.

Ever since then Scarlett Johannsen has been one of the most photographed and talked about actresses out there, and I think she’s been my number one for a while. Once in a while she’ll take a picture and I’ll be like ‘Ugh’. But the majority of the time, she is really, really sexy. Like here. http://albinowolfman.info/updown/42851_sj_scarlett_johannson__November_2006_Allure_open_sweater_122_316lo.jpg

Seriously. Is that not the hottest chick ever?

There are some others out there who I think are pretty nice that didn’t quite make my list. Vida Guerra and her huge butt. Katherine Heigl from ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. Katharine McPhee is pretty nice. Amanda Bynes is cute, but not really hot. Keeley Hazell is totally hot, but all she is really is boobs. Nothing wrong with that, but I need a little something more. Lacey Chabert was another girl from ‘Mean Girls’, the really tan one who was on ‘Party of Five’ back in the day. She’s smoking hot, and almost made the list. And Rosario Dawson. She’s good.

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One Comment on “A Very Sexy Post”

  1. SmushBarkley Says:

    How you not going to put Kelly Clarkson on this list? Shorty got a fat ass.


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