Archive for October 2007

the kobe trade and moronic sports fans

October 31, 2007

If you have any interest in either Chicago sports or the NBA, you know that there is rumored intense trade talks between the Bulls and Lakers involving Kobe Bryant.Personally, my feeling is that as long as a relatively strong nucleus is left in place, I’m all for dealing for Kobe. What do I mean by a relatively strong nucleus? Two of the following players have to remain Bulls: Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Kirk Hinrich, Joakim Noah, Tyrus Thomas. It seems that Deng is the sticking point in the deal; the Lakers reportedly won’t make a deal without him, and the Bulls really don’t want to give him up. On top of that, Kobe has a no-trade clause, so if the Bulls were to offer up the farm for him, Kobe would nix the deal because his whole reason for demanding a trade is to be dealt to a winner, not another rebuilding project.But what gets me is the reaction from Bulls fans towards this possible deal. Talk among the majority of the fans is that they either don’t want Kobe or are not willing to deal guys like Deng, Thomas, or Gordon for him. Listen to sports radio. You’ll listen to callers to WSCR 670 am’s afternoon show with Terry Boers and Dan Bernstein, and you’ll hear callers who don’t want to trade Deng because he’s a blooming superstar. One guy said he didn’t want Kobe because he’s never shot 50 percent from the field. Another guy said the Bulls can’t deal Thomas because he’s going to be James Worthy, only better. A third caller said he didn’t want Kobe in his city because he ‘has a wife and daughter’ and he felt Kobe would threaten their safety. Seriously.Folks, let me break something down for you. This isn’t baseball or football; those are team games, where it doesn’t matter if you have the best player. A NFL team with LaDanian Tomlinson could start the season 4-3. A MLB team with A-Rod could win 70 games and finish last (see his stint in Texas). The NBA is different. As much as us fans love the ‘team concept’ and the idea of 12 guys, all working together and each functioning perfectly in their own role, if you have the chance to acquire one of the best players of all time in his prime, then you do it. With Kobe, the Bulls have things they haven’t had since their last championship team:

  • A finisher who can get easy buckets
  • A player who can get his own shot
  • An All-NBA Defensive first team member

Not only that, but imagine Kobe and Gordon on the same team. Kobe driving to the lane, drawing defenders and kicking out to a wide open Gordon. Gordon puts up 20 points a game now with guys all over him. Imagine what kind of damage he could do when either open or single-covered all the time. If the Bulls have to trade Ben? Then put Hinrich in that same situation. He’s not as deadly a shooter as Gordon, but he’s solid. A team with Kobe, Hinrich and/or Gordon, and Deng as its nucleus has the chance to do some special things, not just this year, but in the years to come.But you might be saying, ‘The current Bulls team is fine as is?’ I disagree. Will this team play hard and always compete? Absolutely. They might even get hot and advance to the NBA Finals. But the goal is to win championships, and I really don’t think the team, as currently constructed, can do that. Deng has room to grow as a player, but I don’t think he’ll ever be a top ten NBA star. Gordon, while a great weapon, has huge ballhandling and defensive holes in his game. Hinrich might improve some, but this is his fifth year; we may have seen most of Captain Kirk’s growth as a player already. Who knows what will become of Thomas, Noah, Thabo Sefolosha and the rest of the team.So Bulls fans, don’t fear Kobe. Cheering for Kobe and hoping for the Bulls to acquire him doesn’t mean they are a sinch to win the title, but it also doesn’t mean you have to lock up your women. It doesn’t mean that you’re being unfaithful to Michael. It means you want championships. It means you’re a good fan.

week 8 recap

October 29, 2007

Fuck the Bears. Seriously. Fuck em. Why do I put myself through this torture week after week, year after year? Will I ever see a better than mediocre Bears’ quarterback? Will I have to watch Cedric Benson carry the ball ever again after 2007? How long is it going to take to rebuild this entire offensive line? Can we get two new safeties that don’t suck? Will we re-sign Lance Briggs? A lot of issues at Halas Hall.

Anyway….here’s my look at the Week 8 scores.

Detroit 16, Chicago 7–It’s insane how easily this game breaks down. The Bears have no offensive line. Look at New England, who’s offensive line is having the best season for a offensive front I’ve ever seen. The offense’s effectiveness starts there, so when there are no running lanes, no time for the quarterback, a piss poor running back, mediocre receivers……the team is going to struggle. I’m not going to blame this all on Griese, but you can’t have three interceptions in the end zone. I know he’s just trying to make things happen, but the reason Griese is starting is because the last guy would rather throw the ball up for grabs than take a sack. Whatever….I’m spent.

Pittsburgh 24, Cincinnati 13–They’re not going any further than the second round of the playoffs, but the Steelers are definitely a top five team. Meanwhile, the Bengals continue to play perhaps the most heartless football in the league. Marvin Lewis, down 14-3 in the third quarter with 4th and goal from the 1, decides to kick a field goal. The Steelers promptly take the next kick and drive for a game-deciding touchdown. Thats a statement play right there; Marvin, you’re 2-4 and a win in this game saves your season. You have a top quarterback and two of the best receivers in football. Go for the touchdown.

Tennessee 13, Oakland 9–The Titans continue their quest to be the most boring team in the history of the league. The Chris Henry that doesn’t buy liquor for 15 year old girls had the game’s only touchdown, and apparently the Raiders are so hard up for skill players that they threw to Mike Williams on a 4th and 14 late in the fourth quarter. It hit him between the……whatever number he wears, and the Titans escaped.

Cleveland 27, St. Louis 20–I’m not going to make jokes at the Rams’ expense. They’re bad, we all know it. However, in all the talk about the great Randy Moss and other Patriot receivers, people are missing that Braylon Edwards is the best receiver in the league right now. A case can be made for TJ Houshmandzadeh, but he has Chad Johnson on the other side, so he never sees a double team. Defense are trying to take away Edwards, and he’s still got 669 yards and 9 touchdowns this year.

NY Giants 13, Miami 10–You know, we always talk about how soccer sucks because its low scoring. Then we throw a game out there with 23 total points. Maybe now the British will decide they don’t want any part of American football and the NFL will stop taking away home games from teams that deperately need them.

Philadelphia 23, Minnesota 16–Donovan McNabb threw for 333 yards, and that cued the ‘Donovan and the Eagles are back’ stories on TV, but when you take a closer look, McNabb was helped by three unbelieveable catches by Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown, and the Vikings pass defense is one of the worst in the league. Lets see Philly do it two or three weeks in a row before we pronounce them back.

Indianapolis 31, Carolina 7–Any time a Vinny Testaverde plays at home, you have to batten down the hatches and hold on, cause its gonna get frisky in here! Anyway, Vinny went 12-of-20 for 82 yards. In the hubub of the Patriots’ majesty, no one notices that the Colts won at Jacksonville and at Carolina in a span of six days by a combined score of 60-14. Thats pretty damn impressive.

Buffalo 13, NY Jets 3–I’m going to begrudgingly say something here: Dick Jauron, while not a great play calling and adjustments coach, is definitely one of the top ten in the league at maximizing talent. I mean, they are one ridiculous Nick Folk field goal and another last millisecond field goal by Jason Elam away from being 5-2. I say that will a lot of begrudgiment (not a word), because Uncle Dick is a corpse who refused to make adjustments and sit bad players while in Chicago.

San Diego 35, Houston 10–Matt Turk probably did the most pussy thing of the season yesterday. The Texans’ punter is back on his own 30 to kick, and the ball is snapped ridiculously over his head, bouncing all the way to the end zone. He runs back, and with time to either fall on it (which might hurt because someone will hit him or fall on him) or kick it out of the end zone for a safety, he decides to dive to a spot two yards beyond where the ball lied and watch as a Charger landed on it for a score. Listen…..I know you’re a punter. You’re a soccer player who got thrown on the football team a while ago and if it were me, I probably would of done the same thing. I mean, I’m a pussy. But dude, come on. At least have a small amount of heart and kick it out of the end zone. What a simp.

Jacksonville 24, Tampa Bay 23–This is the surprise of the day. Who would of thought Quinn Gray would lead this team to 24 points and the win on the road? Who would of thought Jeff Garcia would throw three picks? This game is a perfect example of the difference between the AFC and the NFC. The Jag were 4-2, coming off a 22-point whupping at home and starting a quarterback who was a wide receiver on the scout team last year. Tampa was 4-3, playing at home in a must win game. And the Jags won. I bet if Jacksonville was in the NFC South, they’d easily win the division and would be in the hunt with Dallas, New York, and Green Bay for the top seed in the conference.

New England 52, Washington 7–I’m not going to mention the dude at quarterback, who has 30 touchdowns and 2 interceptions in 8 games. I could talk about the receivers, three of whom are absolute monsters. The defense, led by Mike Vrabel (9 tackles, 3 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, TD reception), is a top-10 defense, maybe better. But the Patriots’ offensive line is ABSOLUTELY DOMINANT. I’ve watched a lot of New England football this year, and the main thing that sticks out is that Brady is touched like twice a game. Whatever running back gets in there gets five yards before he’s touched. Matt Light, Logan Mankins, Dan Koppen, Stephen Neal, Nick Kaczur–you guys are monsters. There are a few guys out there who notice who the real MVPs of the team are.

New Orleans 31, San Francisco 10–The 49ers’ offensive coordinator Jim Hostler is reaching John Shoop, Terry Shea status in the Bay Area. Jim, get ready to look for quarterback coach openings in the NAIA.

fridays hot chick

October 26, 2007

So my brother gave me a few requests for today’s hot chick. They were hot, but as the big brother, I give him the same answer I’ve been giving him since 1980:

Go fuck yourself.

Anyway, this week’s Friday hot chick is one that is near and dear to my penis heart. Stacy Keibler, show ’em what they’ve won……IT’S A RAGING HARD-ON!

Every time I see this picture, I want to slap someone in the face because of Stacy’s hotness.

HHY Week 8 picks

October 24, 2007

Maybe I should stop giving out ‘Best Bets’. I’m over .500 on the season, but way under on my best bets.

Season: 49-45-9, Best Bets: 8-12-1

Cleveland (-3) over St. Louis
Detroit (+5) over Chicago
Indianapolis (-6.5) over Carolina
NY Giants (-10) over Miami
Oakland (+7.5) over Tennessee
Minnesota (+1) over Philadelphia
Pittsburgh (-3.5) over Cincinnati
Buffalo (+3) over NY Jets
San Diego (-11) over Houston
Tampa Bay (-4) over Jacksonville
San Francisco (+3) over New Orleans
New England (-16.5) over Washington
Green Bay (+3) over Denver

HHY 2007-2008 NBA Preview

October 23, 2007

I am truly excited about this NBA season. I don’t know why. I bought an 11-game season ticket package with the Bulls, so maybe that is part of it. But I haven’t been this interested in an NBA season since Michael was still in town.

I am putting out this preview, complete with predictions, with a disclaimer: I’m not an NBA expert. While I feel very confident about my baseball and football knowledge, I am not quite as confident when it comes to the Association. I understand the game, for the most part, but I had to go to the WWL to check the division realignment that took place like four years ago. Oh well.

So here’s the preview. Of course, these picks are subject to change should a certain two-guard in Los Angeles get dealt.

Eastern Conference–Atlantic Division
Boston–This one is relatively easy. I’m not in the camp that this Celtics team will challenge the 96 Bulls’ 72 wins, I do think that the big three are good enough for 55-57 wins in the Eastern Conference. I am interested to see if Jesus Shuttlesworth Ray Allen is truly done or if he finds new life playing with Garnett and Pierce.
Toronto–I love this Raptor team. I was tempted to place them above Boston, but I’m trying to write with my head and not my gut, which is ample. Chris Bosh is a beast, but supporting characters TJ Ford, Anthony Parker, Andrea Bargnani, and Jose Calderon are quick and solid shooters. If Toronto can improve their defense, they will be a major Eastern force.
New Jersey–This is where the division starts to fall off. Jason Kidd started to fall off last year, and while Vinsanity and Richard Jefferson had decent seasons, Nenad Kristic was the Nets’ second leading scorer. Ick. 45 wins would be stellar for this team.
Philadelphia–After the trade of Iverson, the 76ers actually improved. With the addition of first round pick Rodney Carney to the solid Andre Iguadala and Andre Miller, the Sixers may sneak into the playoffs. But I don’t see them having enough offense to be a force.
New York–This is a great fantasy team. Zach Randolph. Stephon Marbury. Jamal Crawford. Eddy Curry. Quentin Richardson. David Lee. This team has a ton of talent, and it may be a stretch to say they’ll finish below New Jersey and Philly. But I predict the poor cohesion and coaching of the Knicks will keep them out of the playoffs and near the bottom of the conference.
Central Division
Chicago–No, this is not with my heart. I think the Bulls will put it together this year en route to 53-57 wins, which should be good enough to win this division. Luol Deng is ready to make the leap to one of the 10 best players in the East. If Tyrus Thomas can overcome rumors that he is in Scott Skiles’ doghouse and be a force off the bench, Chicago would be the deepest team in the division.
Detroit–The Pistons began to show their age a bit last year, and while they may have been the better team, they got outplayed by LeBron and the Cavs in the East Finals. I see them getting 50 wins and being a team that will contend for the conference title, but I don’t see them being a better regular season team than the Bulls.
Cleveland–I love LeBron. What he did in the postseason last year was very Jordanish. But I see a letdown for him and the Cavs this year. Its quite a burden to have to carry a team game in and game out, and after 100-plus games in 2006-07, I think the lack of depth will take its toll this year.
Indiana–After a poor 2006-07, the Pacers look to slip into the playoffs this year. Jermaine O’Neal may be dealt around the trade deadline, but the Pacers have enough young talent to finish ahead of the team below them. Will they make the postseason? Not sure about that.
Milwaukee–The Bucks are horrible. Yes, Michael Redd can score in bunches and on the right team where he isn’t the second option, Andrew Bogut might be a nice player. But unless first round pick Yi Jianlian adjusts to Wisconsin and blows up to Rookie of the Year proportions (doubtful), this team won’t win more than 35 games.
Washington–This division sucks, but I love Agent Zero. Hibachi could drop 55 on you. He could also drop a 1-for-17 on you. But that’s cool. The Wiz also have Caron Butler, Antwan Jamison, and rookie Nick Young, and thats enough to win this division.
Miami–The Diesel is pretty much finished, but he’s got enough in the tank to play 40 or so games and combine with a healthy D-Wade to contend for a top four spot in the conference. But the Heat are real old. Did you know Anfernee Hardaway is on the roster? He and Shaq are trying to get Dennis Scott out of retirement.
Orlando–Dwight Howard is a beast, and he no longer has to look over his shoulder for the intimidating presence of Darko trying to take his job. If Dwight can get some help from Hedo, rookie James Augustine and the rest of the Magic, they could surprise some peeps and perhaps win a playoff series. Probably not, though.
Atlanta–The Hawks have never been good, I don’t think. I know they won a bunch of games in the 80s. I think the Bulls played them in the playoffs a few times in the 90s. And although they have a ton of young talent, the Hawks are not ready to contend, even in the East. Their roster is like a who’s who of good college talent from the earlier part of this decade, though. So they got that going for them.
Charlotte–Apparently Morrison is hurt. Not like it matters. I don’t think I’ve been more wrong about a player than I was about Sean May. Sure, injuries have hurt, but I believe he’s not good. I was sure he was going to be a beast. The Bobcats do have Emeka Okafor and Jason Richardson, but thats just enough to struggle for 30 wins.

Western Conference–Northwest Division
Utah–This team looks like clearly the class of this division. If Andre Kirlienko comes back to his 2006 form, this team is a little talked about contender for the NBA title. As is, Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer are both all-stars, and Mehmet Okur is a solid post player. The Jazz are a good, good team who has an outside chance for 60 wins.
Denver–Can Iverson and Carmelo, with a season under their wings, play well together again and be a force in the West? Or will the team self-distruct? Third option: Iverson and Melo play well, and the rest of the team–who’s best player is either Marcus Camby or Kenyon Martin–shit down their leg. I will say this–if Camby and Martin stay healthy and find the fountain of youth, look out.
Portland–This is my big surprise. How can the worst team in the league a year ago, a team who lost number one pick Greg Oden for the season, improve this drastically? I really like Brandon Roy. I feel LaMarcus Aldridge will have an improved second season. And finally, the Blazers have decent depth and size. They could win 40-45 games and contend for the eighth playoff slot.
Seattle–How good is Kevin Durant? I don’t know. I think he could very well put up 27 points a game this year. I also think he has little help on the Sonics. Can fellow rookie Jeff Green be a player? This young of a team will show flashes of greatness but ultimately will struggle to win games, especially in the West.
Minnesota–After years of shopping Kevin Garnett, the Wolves finally dealt him before KG went on a killing spree. In return they got a solid young player (Al Jefferson) and a couple guys who I think truly suck. Minnesota did draft Corey Brewer, my favorite player outside of Durant in last year’s draft. He and Randy Foye could be a solid backcourt for a long time. But this year, the Wolves will struggle to win 30.
Phoenix–This Suns team is in its final go round here. Its put up or shut up time. And I think, after getting royally screwed by the league and its refs last year, that they will. Will they trade Shawn Marion? I don’t know. I do know that if they hold on to him, they are my pick to win the title.
Golden State–Everyone jumped on the Warrior bandwagon in the playoffs last year, as they hit shot after ridiculous shot and played solid defense in beating the top-seeded Mavs. I think they’ll ride that wave into a good 2007-2008, and with the addition of first round pick Brendan Wright, Golden State have an outside chance at 50 wins.
LA Lakers–I mean, if Kobe gets traded, this whole preview is up for grabs. For now, I’ll stick them in third in the division. It might be the best thing for the Lake show to trade Kobe; they can add to an already decent young nucleus and hope to contend for a title in 2009 or 2010.
LA Clippers–Throw the Clippers and the Kings in a hat, pull out a name, and choose who will finish four-five in the Pacific. The Clippers followed up a strong 2006 with a disappointing and injury plagued 2007, and now Elton Brand is hurt. With a lot of points (and shots) out there to be had, Corey Maggette could score 25-plus this year and be a prime deadline deal guy. Also, first rounder Al Thornton could be a poor man’s Brand and put up 18 and 10 and I wouldn’t be surprised.
Sacromento–The Kings really missed their window four or five years ago, and its a shame because the home crowd there was ridiculous. Now, they get to watch Mike Bibby, Ron Artest, and Kevin Martin run around and get 30 wins.
Dallas–I think Dirk and the boys were really embarassed last year (great insight), and could come back with a vengence this year, win 70 games and blow the rest of the NBA out of the water. Or, when they have their first tough road game at San Antonio or Phoenix, Dirk and the boys will have flashbacks and collapse. I think the Mavs will again win 60-plus games and fall apart in the playoffs. Maybe not in the first round, but they won’t beat a determined Suns team.
San Antonio–The defending champs, I believe, are done. Sure, they’re good enough to win 55 games and contend again. But the Spurs haven’t been able to repeat before (huge criticism, I know) and I think Duncan will have trouble health-wise this year. Mr. Longoria showed he is the best player on the team in the Finals, but for him and Tim to carry the Spurs for 100 games won’t work again.
Houston–If I could count on T-Mac and Yao playing 164 games this year at the level they eachare capable of, with full health, I would put the Rockets in the Mavs and Spurs class with ease. But they won’t. I think they’re a playoff team, but thats where it begins and ends with H-town.
Memphis–0-8 in the last two postseasons. Just go away, Grizz. Maybe its the constant ‘Pau Gasol is the Bulls’ answer’ talk here in Chicago, but I really don’t think much of this team. And I don’t think I should. After two quick exits the last few years, the Grizzlies will fail to even make the playoffs this year.
New Orleans–I’ll tell you what, this might be the worst team in the league. Yes, they were close to a playoff spot in 2007, but I really don’t think the Hornets are very talented. And I’ll tell you another thing: Tyson Chandler can suck a big, herpes infested dick. For four or five years, he was an absolute bitch for the Bulls. Missed numerous games because of injury, feuded with Skiles, bitched about his contract even though he was making nearly 8 figures. 5 points and 5 rebounds a game in 2006. The Bulls trade him like he wanted, then he proceeds to put up a solid 10 points and 12.4 rebounds a game in 2007. What a little bitch.

East Playoffs–Boston over Orlando, Chicago over Miami, Toronto over Washington, Detroit over Cleveland, Boston over Detroit, Toronto over Chicago, Boston over Toronto.
West Playoffs–Phoenix over Portland, Dallas over Golden State, Utah over Houston, Denver over San Antonio, Phoenix over Denver, Utah over Dallas, Phoenix over Utah.
NBA Finals–Phoenix 4, Boston 1

There ya go. Let me have it.

week 7 roundup

October 22, 2007

Buffalo 19, Baltimore 14–Brian Billick called two pass plays on 3rd and 4th and 1 late in the 4th quarter as the Ravens attempted a comeback in Orchard Park. Since Kyle Boller is his quarterback, both fell incomplete. Meanwhile, the Bills and Uncle Dick are a miracle last second field goal against Dallas away from being 3-3. Look out, New England!

Detroit 23, Tampa Bay 16–You would think the only game between two above-.500 teams on Sunday would have been the game of the day. You would be dead wrong. For some reason, every game I watch on TV from Ford Field makes me drowsy. Is it the atmosphere of the dome? Or is it that the Lions put me to sleep? I don’t know. I do know that I left this game in the second half to go play Madden.

New England 49, Miami 28–I don’t know if you guys know this, but Tom Brady has a decent game. His receivers are somewhat OK. Unless the Colts can outscore them in Week 9, the only way the Patriots lose this year is if someone gets pressure on Brady and plays ball control on the other side of the ball. Maybe the Chargers? The Giants? I don’t know. Me thinks the season is over already. These guys are dominant.

New Orleans 22, Atlanta 16–Reggie Bush had a nice touchdown and 2-point conversion to clinch the game for the Saints, who at 2-4 are suddenly the second best team in the NFC. Not really, but it seems that way. Byron Leftwich managed to play three quarters before getting carted off. Way to go, Byron!

NY Giants 33, San Francisco 15–Recipe for a loss: bad offensive line + Trent Diler + Giants pass rush = Oh shit, here comes that big dude again and he’s gonna land on me. No one will beat New England, but maybe a team like the Giants have the best shot. A one-two punch at running back that could use ball control to keep Brady off the field. A front four that might put some pressure on Brady. The Giants are the hottest team in the NFC right now.

Washington 21, Arizona 19–Ken Whizzenator must have Tim Rattay on his fantasy team or something. Or he was playing Kurt Warner. I don’t know. 21-13, Warner has played gutty football all day, you’re on the goalline, and you pull him so Rattay can run the play? OK, so it happened to work. So then you need a 2-point conversion. You line up Boldin at QB and Rattay at WR? Maybe Anquin and Tim had a mind switch, like Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron in ‘Like Father, Like Son’. Thats the only reasonable explanation for lining up your Pro Bowl receiver at QB for the most important play of the game.

Tennessee 38, Houston 36–A few weeks ago, the Texans’ Kris Brown had six field goals and was named ECUM’s favorite kicker. Yesterday, Rob Bironas went into Brown’s house and announced his presence with authority. 8 field goals, including a game winner, en route to a two-point win in the best game of the day. Sage Rosenfels had four TD passes……IN THE 4TH QUARTER. Seriously, what the fuck is going on in this league?

Cincinnati 38, NY Jets 31–If Chad Pennington is starting the next game for the Jets, I’d be shocked. The Jets have to be the biggest disappointment in the league, falling to 1-6. Their defense is absolutely horrible. Kenny Watson ran for 130 yards and 3 scores. And TJ Houshamazilli is quietly putting up huge numbers for the Bengals.

Kansas City 12, Oakland 10–Apparently its 2004 because Priest Holmes and Daunte Culpepper played in this game. The Raiders haven’t won a division game since 2003. 4 years without one damn win against your three biggest rivals? Raider fans should be allowed to move on at this point. Go cheer for another team. Or pick one player, and follow him. Rod Bironas is available.

Dallas 24, Minnesota 14–Everyone is talking about how the Cowboys found a way to shut down Adrian Peterson. The dude had 12 carries for 63 yards and a score. The only person that can shut down Purple Jesus is Brad Childress. Listen, I understand you don’t want to pull an Earl Campbell on this kid and give him the rock 40 times a game, thus ending his career in 4 years. But if you give him 18-22 carries instead of 12, your chances of winning have to go up about 10-20 percent. I haven’t done the math or anything, but thats just a guess.

Chicago 19, Philadelphia 16–I don’t know anymore. One week I decide I’m done with this team. The next week they win a big road game against their biggest rival. Then they give up 320 yards rushing to a division team at home. Then they drive 97 yards in under two minutes to win at Philly, a place they haven’t won since I was in junior high. I will say that I was difinitively wrong about Brian Griese. I’m not saying the Bears would of won the Super Bowl last year with him at quarterback; but there is no way the Bears would have won against Green Bay or Philadelphia with Grossman behind center. I will say that the running game is horrific, a combination of bad blocking and a running back who seems somewhat uninterested. Bernard Berrian continues to put in the worst contract year in NFL history. But with all those problems, the Bears are 3-4 with a home game against the Lions before the bye.

Seattle 33, St. Louis 6–Why is Bulger playing? Can someone answer this for me? They are 0-7. He is recovering from broken ribs. His running back was the backup for RUTGERS last year. I picture Bulger and Steven Jackson having a conversation on the sidelines during practice last week:

Bulger: Man, Steve….I can’t wait to get back in there to help the team this week.
Jackson: Oh, uh, yeah… too.
Bulger: When did the doc say you could get back in there and help us out?
Jackson: Uhhh, like, next week. Or 2008. He wasn’t really clear.
Bulger: (straps on helmet and starts out to field) Oh. Well, see ya out there!

Denver 31, Pittsburgh 28–So, the Broncos aren’t quite finished yet. The Steelers seem somewhat unbeatable at home, but on the road they’re soft like Jenna Doll’s breasts. (Look her up). Jason Elam hit his 593rd game winning field goal in his 54 year career. Well done, gramps.

Friday’s Hot Chick

October 19, 2007

Kelly Brook, one of Britain’s big breasted honeys.

Here’s something for those of you not at work (NSFW)

week 7 picks from hhy

October 18, 2007

Season: 41-39-9, Best Bets: 8-9-1

Washington (-8.5) over Arizona
New Orleans (-9) over Atlanta
Buffalo (+3) over Baltimore
New England (-17) over Miami
NY Giants (-9.5) over San Francisco
Tampa Bay (+2) over Detroit
Tennessee (-1.5) over Houston
Kansas City (+3) over Oakland
NY Jets (+6) over Cincinnati
Dallas (-9.5) over Minnesota
Philadelphia (-5.5) over Chicago
Seattle (-9) over St. Louis
Pittsburgh (-3.5) over Denver
Indianapolis (-3) over Jacksonville

Best Bets: 1. Tampa Bay, 2. New Orleans, 3. NY Jets

Purple Jesus, Dreamboat, and the rest of week 6

October 15, 2007

Minnesota 34, Chicago 31–Best performance by an opposing player I’ve ever seen. Purple Jesus went off. 224 yards rushing and 3 scores, and he added a 55 yard kick return to set up Ryan Longwell’s game winning 55 yard field goal at the gun. The time when us Bears fans could rely on the defense to make plays and keep us in games no matter what is over, and the tackling of the secondary–especially Daneal Manning and Brandon McGowan–was absolutely dreadful for the second straight week. On the bright side, Devin Hester continued his dominance with an 89-yard punt return and a 81-yard touchdown reception with just over two minutes left. There have been better Bears, but Hester is by far the most exciting player to wear the uniform in my lifetime. People talk about the great Gale Sayers, and while Sayers was a better overall football player, I can’t imagine that he’s more exciting that Hester.

Cleveland 41, Miami 31–Derek Anderson is the truth, son! This situation reminds me of the Bengals a few years ago. Remember, they drafted Carson Palmer but decided to let Jon Kitna start that first year? And Kitna responded with a huge season? Well, Anderson is Jon Kitna and Brady Quinn is Carson Palmer. Anyway, the Browns seem to really have something on the offensive side of the ball, with Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow becoming Pro Bowl-level targets in the passing game. For the Fish, Cleo Lemon threw for 256 yards and 2 scores but it wasn’t enough as Miami fell to 0-6.

Green Bay 17, Washington 14–So I click on to read the box score for this game, and the Web site provides a link with one line which summarizes the game. For example, the Bears-Vikings game was something along the lines of ‘Peterson explodes as Vikings upset Bears.’ Well, the link for this game is ‘Favre leads Green Bay to 5-1.’ So what did Brett Favre do, you ask? 19-for-37, 188 yards, 0 touchdowns, 2 interceptions. The winning touchdown was scored by the Packer defense, a 57 yard fumble return by Charles Woodson. This is a perfect example of why non-Packer fans are fucking sick of the Favre love. He played a shitty game, the defense made a huge play to win an important game, and the media lazily puts up ‘Favre leads Green Bay to 5-1.’ Give me a fucking break.

Kansas City 27, Cincinnati 20–Apparently the Cheifs aren’t that shitty. Either that, or the Bengals are really bad. It could be both. The 2007 Heartless Pig Award might go to the Bengals defense, which week after week gets torched. Larry Johnson, previously left for dead after 5 horrid weeks, had 119 yards and a score and ensured that his fantasy owners will now keep him in the lineup for the rest of the year, thinking he is back. Marvin Lewis should go ahead and sell his home and scour for defensive coordinator positions, cuz this ship has sailed.

Philadelphia 16, NY Jets 9–Hey, Mangenious…..any time you want to get Chad Pennington the fuck out of there, Jets fans will appreciate it. The New Yorkers got 130 yards from Thomas Jones and still couldn’t score a touchdown. Meanwhile, Kevin Curtis and Wes Welker are battling for the title of Best White Receiver of the Year. Previous winners include Steve Largent, Don Beebe, and Tom Waddle.

Tampa Bay 13, Tennessee 10–I’ll tell you kids something–look at Jeff Garcia’s numbers for this season. 1188 yards passing with a 66.7 completion percentage. % touchdowns, 0 interceptions, 103.6 passer rating. Tony Romo is getting all the publicity, but Garcia is the best quarterback in the NFC right now. He might not be a fantasy superstar, but he’s getting the job done very effectively for a team which will probably win its division. If you’re Dallas or Green Bay, do you want to play the Bucs in the divisional round of the playoffs, with Garcia running around like a jackass, throwing off balance and that defense playing like it is? I wouldn’t. Meanwhile, the Titans truly suck, and if Vince Young is ever injured seriously, they’ll lose about 75 percent of their games.

Jacksonville 37, Houston 17–Wasn’t it cool at the beginning of the year, when the Texans were 2-0 and everyone was talking about them being the sleeper of 2007? Yeah, not so much. The Texans can’t stop the run, and when you’re playing Jacksonville, that’s not good. 244 yards rushing, not good. David Garrard is doing in the AFC what Jeff Garcia is in the NFC: quietly putting together a stellar, if unspectacular, season. 1069 yards passing, 66.2 completions percentage, 6 touchdowns, 0 interceptions, 104.7 rating. Meanwhile, Byron Leftwich really likes the new chicken fries from Burger King.

Baltimore 22, St. Louis 3–Lordy, are the Rams horrid. Every week, I write something small about the Ram game because I want to leave the true dissection of the team to our resident Rams fan, everyones on steroids. But it doesn’t seem as if he’s very interested in this garbage. So I’m gonna lay something out for the kids in the Lou: sit Bulger and Jackson for the rest of the season. Why bring them back now? So they can play hurt and the Rams can finish 5-11, 4-12? Please. Sit em, play some kids, finish one or two games worse than that, and get a top 5 pick. As for the Ravens, they are really boring and I hate writing about them. They had 5 interceptions on defense, and I’m guessing Willis McGahee did something.

Carolina 25, Arizona 10–Elway. Montana. Unitas. Marino. Favre. Manning. Brady. Make room, gentlemen. Vinny’s back. Testaverde blew the fuck up against the Cardinals, throwing for 206 yards and a score to lead the Panthers to a big victory on the road. It would be really awesome if Vinny was the starter for the rest of the year. Why not? What, Carolina should be anxious to throw David Carr back in there? Please, he blows. On the other side, Tim Rattay rallied the Cardinals after Kurt Warner hyperextended his elbow. Rallied them to 159 yards and 3 interceptions. After the game, Rattay looked at the stat sheet, saw he got monster-fucked by a 44 year old dude who wasn’t even in the league last week, and hung himself.

New England 48, Dallas 27–I didn’t even know these two teams were playing this week. You would think that two 5-0 teams matching up would of had more of a build up. Anyway, the Patriots will probably go 16-0 if they stay healthy. Since the Pats and Cowboys will probably represent their conferences in the Super Bowl, we already know that New England will blow out the Cowboys in February. So, on October 15, the season is over. Fuck you, Dreamboat.

San Diego 28, Oakland 14–LT got the ball. He ran for 200 yards and 4 touchdowns. Wow. Look what happens when you give the best player the fucking ball. Thanks Norv; you owe me 500 dollars. (Suicide pool pot that I lost when picking SD a few weeks back).

New Orleans 28, Seattle 17–This was one of the worst coached games I have ever seen. Mike Holmgren should be fired after this season. The Seahawk playcalling was horrible. In the 4th quarter, here are some of the calls Holgren made: 4th and 3, called timeout and then ran a draw–with the fullback–and gained 1 yard; team scored to make it 28-17, kicked an onsides kick with over 7 minutes left in the game–kick failed; with under 2 minutes left, facing a 4th and 9 on the Saints’ 20, decided to go for it instead of kicking the field goal to cut it to 8 and then trying an onsides kick. You need 3 anyway, Mike…..why not get it now instead of trying a 4th and 9? Fucking moron. Go comb your walrus mustache.

friday’s hot chick

October 12, 2007

Vida Guerra. And her ass.

  1. The shot that made her famous.
  2. This one is good.
  3. I want her on her hands and knees.
  4. Oh, these are NSFW by the way.
  5. She’s really just Latina, with fake boobs and a huge ass. I guess thats enough.
  6. Thanks you, Jebus.