week 11 roundup
I was in Vegas for the weekend and got home in time to catch the afternoon games. So my analysis of the early games is based solely on highlights.
Indianapolis 13, Kansas City 10–Brodie Croyle went 19-of-27 for 169 yards and a touchdown. Peyton Manning went 16-of-32 for 163 yards and an interception. Also, Adam Viniateri missed two more field goals. Cats and dogs are living together. There is a chance there will be either a female or African-American president. Norv Turner won a big game.
Only one of those things are untrue.
Minnesota 29, Oakland 22–With PJ out with a knee, the most exciting offensive player in this game was Chester Taylor. Chester the
Molester Running Back went off for 164 and three scores. The second most exciting offensive player in the game? I’m gonna go with Viscanthe Shiancoe, tight end for the Vikes who averaged 47 yards a catch.
Philadelphia 17, Miami 7–So, if I am understanding correctly, McNabb left the game with a sprained ankle down 7-0 to a winless team after throwing 2 picks on 3-of-11 passing. The Eagles then brought in
Ty Detmer Koy Detmer Ron Jaworski AJ Feeley, and he completed 66 percent of his passes en route to scoring 17 points and earning the win.
Donovan, go ahead and find a real estate agent in Chicago. Or Miami. Or Carolina. Or San Francisco. Or Minnesota. Jesus, there are a lot of teams who need a good–or decent–quarterback.
Jacksonville 24, San Diego 17–The only thing that matters in this game is that MJD just obliterated Lights Out on a block. I guarantee that 30 seconds after he got in the locker room postgame, Merriman was shooting up a new batch/cycle. He’ll be back to his 17-sack self by January. Unfortunately for him, Norv is his coach this year and that will be too late to do anything for the 2007 season.
Cleveland 33, Baltimore 30–ECUM’s adopted sons got a few nice bounces en route to a big win. I’m not going to talk about the field goal because everyone knows what happened, and its not a controversy–they got the call right. But people better stop kicking to this Joshua Cribbs character; dude had 306 return yards yesterday. In other news, Brian Billick still sucks.
Houston 23, New Orleans 10–Did you guys know that Houston is 5 and 5? I didn’t, and I consider myself a
pervert NFL expert. Now, with Matt Schaub (293 yards passing) and Andre Johnson (120 yards receiving) back, this is a team who could definitely cause problems in the AFC. The Texans aren’t going to the playoffs, but their remaining schedule is full of teams who will be fighting for a spot in the postseason (Cleveland, Tennessee, Tampa Bay, Denver, Indy, Jacksonville)–and I wouldn’t want to play Houston in a must-win scenario.
Tampa Bay 31, Atlanta 7–Man, that Thanksgiving Indianapolis-Atlanta matchup on the NFL Network is gonna be a barnburner! Manning–Leftwich! Next, on NFL Network! How does Bobby Petrino continue to not use Jerious Norwood! We’ll find out tonight!
Green Bay 31, Carolina 17–Many thanks to Steve Smith, who waited until I had left for Vegas before putting himself on the injury report and then sitting for this one. Helps a lot. Gracias. Meanwhile, Brett Favre continues his renaissance season by blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, he’s good. Maybe the MVP. We got it. Can we just put these guys in the NFC title game with Dallas already?
Arizona 35, Cincinnati 27–Carson Palmer threw four touchdowns, two to his own team, in the loss. The Bengals had four different receivers with exactly 8 catches. I wonder if that has ever happened before. I also wonder if Scarlett Johannsen swallows and if Bill Simmons knows he’s turned into an insufferable douchebag.
NY Giants 16, Detroit 10–Two weeks ago, the Lions were 6-2 and the toast of the league. In the week 9 roundup, I wrote that people would be jumping off the bandwagon very soon because of the Lions’ impossible late schedule. Since then, they’ve lost two in a row and are facing a game against the 9-1 Packers. By looking at the stats, its looks as if Eli had a great game (28-of-39 with a number of drops, 283, touchdown) and Michael Strahan thought it was 2001 with 3 sacks. Also, Reuben Droughns managed 11 carries for 13 yards. That’s impressive.
NY Jets 19, Pittsburgh 16–And New England has officially clinched the AFC title. Really, the Colts, unless they get really healthy, have no chance to beat the Pats. And now the Steelers apparently have no offensive line. Can the ECUM Browns beat the Patriots?
Maybe! No. So who is left? Jacksonville?
St. Louis 13, San Francisco 9–I want you to go home and take a huge crap on a paper plate. Let it sit in your bathroom for about 24 hours with the door closed. I would rather go in that room afterwards and take ten deep breaths than write about this game.
Seattle 30, Chicago 23–Listen, the Bears are bad in EVERY SINGLE FACET OF THE GAME. Overall coaching, offensive playcalling, and defensive scheme (with these safeties) are all bad. The quarterbacking is so bad that we (the fans) are thrilled when our starter has only one turnover. The offensive line is absolutely horrible. Fred Miller had 3 false starts and gave up 3 sacks. The running game, despite a good game yesterday, is one of the worst in the league. The receivers, also despite a good game yesterday, struggle to get open and make plays. The defense, thought to be one of the top five in the league, has given up 20 or more points 5 times. And Seahawk kicker Josh Brown took down Devin Hester on a kick return, and then celebrated like he just knocked out 1988 Mike Tyson. Kill me.
Dallas 28, Washington 23–Romo to TO for a touchdown. Four times. Cowboys win. Fin.
New England 56, Buffalo 10–I’ve said and written versions of this before, but I’m going to say this now, before anyone (besides Pats fans) does: this is the best team of all-time. You’re watching something here, folks. Tune out the douchebag Bostonians and the ESPN/announcing lovefests every week. Just watch this team work. Offensively, they are literally unstoppable. The Colts dominated them for three quarters, and then the Pats just threw it into another gear and won–at their place.
The best teams I’ve ever seen, to this point in my relatively short life, are (in no particluar order): 1985 Bears, 1989 49ers, 1993 Cowboys, 1994 49ers, 1999 Rams. This team, right now, is better than all those teams. Its true, folks. Watch this for the next two months and appreciate it while you can.