Archive for February 2008

Awesome Plan, Simmons

February 29, 2008

While writing about the pending hijack of the Seattle SuperSonics by new owner Clay Bennett, ESPN’s Bill Simmons has published numbers and numbers of emails from frustrated (and rightly so) Sonics fans.

Today, Simmons tried to offer solutions or ideas for Sonics fans to retailiate against Bennett and the NBA:

Anyway, as soon as the third quarter ends for one of Seattle’s upcoming home games, the Sonics fans should simply leave their seats and walk onto the court. Don’t be violent, don’t antagonize anyone … just walk onto the court en masse, and as soon as the court is filled with people, start chanting, “SAVE OUR SONICS!” for 10 minutes straight. Assuming you had 3,000-4,000 people stroll onto the court, there’s no possible way they could arrest everyone, and if they called the game, who cares? You were probably losing the game, anyway. The crucial thing to remember is that it should be done as non-aggressively as possible; the rest of the nation won’t be sympathetic to your cause if you act like jerks. And you shouldn’t chant anything like “BENNETT SUCKS!” or “STERN SUCKS!” You want everything to be as simple and benevolent as possible.

If you could pull this stunt off in a dignified way, it could be incredibly effective and raise the right amount of national awareness for this issue. (In fact, it would be the dominant story of that week and make the sports radio/talk show rotation.) I’m not going to pick the game for you, but I will say that you should pick a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday game so the story (and the highlights) can get national attention for the rest of the work week. Remember, carry yourselves with dignity and don’t act like jerks.

Yes, Bill, a plan where approximately 4,000 fans walk onto the court during a timeout during an NBA game couldn’t possibly go wrong. Yes, be sure to point out numerous times during your column that the fans shouldn’t “act like jerks” and should “act dignified.” Because three-quarters through a NBA game, the fans aren’t at all drunk and can be trusted to act in a civilized manner.

Bill, I understand your frustration at this situation. But asking that thousands of people charge the playing surface of a professional sporting event is asking for trouble and is, for lack of a better term, dumb. Just a few years ago the Palace of Auburn Hills was the setting for a massive brawl between players and fans. Now you want thousands of fans to take the court, and you think that you can count on the fact that out of all those angry, frustrated, and possibly intoxicated spectators, not one will fight a cop, or push another spectator, or perhaps something worse?

Bill, you’re one of my favorite writers, and while I’ve felt you’ve severely ‘lost your fastball’ over the past 6-12 months, the passage I read today was by far your most idiotic of your career. And perhaps more importantly, it was irresponsible.

What to Watch This Weekend

February 29, 2008

Scarlett kneeling

Well, we’re getting closer to the time of year when sports fans come out of their hibernation and realize that the NBA is heating up, college hoops is in full swing, NFL free agency is at its peak, and baseball is starting. Here are the things I’m going to be watching this weekend:

College Basketball: All in all, a pretty shitty weekend for college hoops. On Saturday, there are two games which jump out–Washington State at Stanford and Georgetown at Marquette. Out of those four teams, I could see Georgetown doing something in March. Although Stanford is 8th in the country and playing in a competitive Pac-10, I don’t see the Cardinal making a run deep into the tourney. On Sunday, the Pac-10 is again highlighted as number 4 UCLA travels to Arizona to play the Wildcats. Arizona is a team on the bubble who just got spanked by USC and is dangerously close to falling out of tournament consideration. A win against the Bruins would put them right back in the race for a spot. And, if like me you are constantly subjected to Big Ten basketball, Indiana travels to Michigan State. If either team breaks 60, expect confetti to fall from the rafters and Spartan cheerleaders to service the student section in excitement.

NBA: My hard-on for the Western Conference continues tonight as Utah goes to New Orleans to play the Hornets. Deron Williams looks to beat Chris Paul in a battle of the two best point guards in the league (yeah, that includes you, Nash). Also, the Lakers play Portland and the hard-charging shitty Bulls host Washington. And while Saturday’s schedule is pretty barren, Sunday is chock full of excitement. The previously mentioned Bulls go to Cleveland and I get to watch LeBron, as well as fuckface Ben Wallace and one of the top teams in the East. The second game of the doubleheader is my highlight of the weekend, unless the Bears sign someone of significance (which is highly fucking unlikely): Dallas at LA Lakers. Watching the Lakers right now is really, really fun. The addition of Pau Gasol has taken the team from a 4-6 seed to the team to beat, and the team’s offense is really, really pretty to watch. When Andrew Bynum comes back, the Lakers could run right through the toughest West in history. And if that wasn’t enough, Denver goes to Houston at night as the Rockets look to become the 28th straight team to make Denver’s ‘defense’ look shitty.

NFL free agency: Nothing really to report here. Its always fun to see where the true impact players wind up, and this year’s crop in that category include some players that I would love for the Bears to get, like Michael Turner, Marion Barber, Randy Moss, Dante Stallworth, and Alan Faneca . Unfortunately, none of that is realistic. I don’t even know if I would want Moss; I don’t think he’d be particularly happy here and we’d just end up with the Oakland version of Moss, not the version which showed up for most of 2007. Outside of my hatred for where my hometown Bears seem to be headed, it looks like Dallas is the most interesting team of the off-season. From rumors that they will look to deal Barber and draft Darren McFadden to recent rumblings that they are going to target Moss, the Cowboys will be fun to watch. Other very recent moves include Jonathan Vilma being traded to the Saints, Kris Jenkins going to the Jets, and Corey Williams headed to Cleveland.

Outside of sports, it seems that ‘Semi-Pro’ is opening this week. I’ll end up seeing it because ‘Anchorman’ is the funniest movie of all time, and now I am relegated to see every piece of shit Will Ferrell does because of the off-chance that it will measure up. But I won’t see it on opening weekend with all the retards and children, and I’ll go to a matinee instead of a prime-time show. Yeah, I saved 3 dollars…..suck on that, Ferrell!!!

PS–The picture is only up there because ScarJo has a movie coming out today too. I won’t see it in a million years, but I will support her by posting a pic of her on my blog.

Friday Hot Chick

February 29, 2008

My blog partner suggested Susannah Murray, a cast member of the Austrailian version of Big Brother. While Susannah is definitely hot, there is really only a few pictures of her available. You can see those pics at Horny Oyster.

So, to celebrate her recent release from rehab, I have decided to go with Eva Mendes. I put Eva in my top 20 a few months ago, and while I think Roselyn Sanchez, Sofia Vergara, and Mayra Veronica are hotter, Eva is plenty good enough for the FHC.

**–Theres a hole in your shirt, Eva.
**–No words.
**–This picture hurts my neck.
**–Hi sweetie.
**–Hot?…..yes. But Hitch sucked ass.
**–And a NSFW screen cap from a good movie, Training Day.

As always, if you have a suggestion for FHC, throw them at me. If the suggestion doesn’t suck and there are enough pictures out there of the lady, I’ll use the nomination.

Key 2008 Free Agents

February 28, 2008

Randy Moss

In no particular order:

– Randy Moss, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Patriots

– Asante Samuel, Unrestricted Free Agent, CB, Patriots

– Marion Barber, Restricted Free Agent, RB, Cowboys

– Julius Jones, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Cowboys

– Derek Anderson, Restricted Free Agent, QB, Browns

– Daunte Culpepper, Unrestricted Free Agent, QB, Raiders

– Michael Turner, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Chargers

– Jerry Porter, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Raiders

– Alan Faneca, Unrestricted Free Agent, T, Steelers

– Bernard Berrian, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Bears

– Alge Crumpler, Unrestricted Free Agent, CB, Falcons

– Donte Stallworth, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Patriots

– Bryant Johnson, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Cardinals

– Todd Collins, Unrestricted Free Agent, QB, Redskins

– Junior Seau, Unrestricted Free Agent, LB, Patriots

– D.J. Hackett, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Seahawks

– Marty Booker, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Dolphins

– Lance Briggs, Unrestricted Free Agent, LB, Bears

– Trent Green, Restricted Free Agent, QB, Dolphins

– Byron Leftwich, Unrestricted Free Agent, QB, Falcons

– Derrick Ward, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Giants

– Jesse Chatman, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Dolphins


My thoughts: Lots of old QB’s. Who’s Dallas going to sign at RB (should be Barber)? I like Derrick Ward and Michael Turner. Lots of RB’s who filled in for injured stars very nicely. The Patriots have alot of signing to do. Lots of old WR’s. Who wants to play for the Raiders or Dolphins anyways? Briggs and others will get their paydays.

Comments, anyone?

Moose Back to Panthers

February 28, 2008

Muhsin Muhammad and Steve Smith

The Carolina Panthers released the disappointing David Carr on Wednesday and picked up Muhsin Muhammad, who was released from the Chicago Bears last week. He rejoins the time after spending nine seasons with the Panthers after they drafted him in 1996. He spent three seasons with the Bears after a monster season in Carolina in 2004. The Panthers released him because of a salary-cap move and have never been able to get another receiver to complement Steve Smith at wide receiver. Both receivers were Jake Delhomme’s top two targets in the 2003 season when the Panthers had their only trip to the Superbowl. They lost 29 – 32 to the New England Patriots, but Moose recorded the longest play from scrimmage in a Superbowl with an 85-yard TD reception in that game.

I wish Moose all the luck in the world and I’m sure he’s happy that he’ll have a chance to finish up his career with the team he started with, but the guy is getting old. He had a chance to be the Bear’s #1 receiving threat and brought a lot of wisdom and leadership to the receiving corps. However, he dropped too many passes and Bernard Berrian was much more of a #1 than Moose was. I wish he would have been able to recreate his 2004 season with us just once, but, dare I ask, is Jake Delhomme a better quarterback than Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton? If you think back to their 2003 and 2004 seasons, they had a monster passing tandem in Steve Smith and Muhammad. They also had a solid running game and defense. I’m sure that Steve Smith is happy to have another passing threat in the line-up so that some pressure is taken off him upfield. Then Keary Colbert, Drew Carter and Dwayne Jarrett can fight for the #3 spot. It’ll be interesting to see how they do next year, depending on how well Delhomme comes back after surgery.

I think the Bears need to take note here. Solid running game. Defense who establishes themselves. Decent quarterback throwing to a deep threat and a reliable slot/route/#2 receiver. O Line protecting the QB and making holes for the running backs. Hmmm….the Panthers may have had something there. Throw in the fact that we should have a better RB in Cedric Benson than anyone the Panthers have. And with Greg Olson and Desmond Clark at TE, we should have a reliable option in the short-passing game. If Berrian comes back and Hester develops, we know that both of them have the ability to get open down field. Mix that with a healthy defense and we should fair better in 2008.

I know what you’re saying. Wishful thinking, huh?

Down with FCC, yeah you know me

February 27, 2008



Don’t ask me why the FCC would sensor this, but for some reason they did. Its not all that funny, but it was better than at least two-thirds of the rest of the commercials that aired. And think about how much money they had to pay someone to write that ad, consult with lawyers to make sure it would be okay to do so, yadda yadda yadda, and then they can’t run it because America saw 1/8th of a second of Janet Jackson’s nipple on television.

Meanwhile, 12 year old boys everywhere can jump online and browse hundreds of hours of porn at their leisure. Every teenage girl/actress/singer is a whore or at least pretending to be one. And we just gave an Oscar to an ex-stripper and a girl who has gotten naked more times on film than I have in the past 15 years. What does this have to do with sports you ask? Just that it was banned during the Super Bowl. And I wanted to reminisce on 2004. So there.

Why is this an issue?

February 27, 2008

Wrigley Field

During an interview with CNBC, the new CEO of the Tribune Company, Sam Zell, mentioned that he would be open to selling the naming rights to Wrigley Field.

“I plan to sell the team and stadium seperately, and in my own time frame,” Zell said. “And I won’t hesitate to sell the naming rights for the field.”

Baseball purists and idiots everywhere are up in arms over this possible development. ‘How dare he do what he wants with his own assets!’, they yell. ‘Its blasphemous to name it something other than Wrigley!’, others scream. Hey morons…..Zell bought the Tribune Company and its related entities for billions of dollars. He can do whatever he wants with the assets. He can tear down Wrigley and build an exact replica of his dog’s house in its place, if he wants. Stop whining.

“But how can you be fine with renaming Wrigley something like ‘Bank of America Field’ or ‘United Park’?” people say. If you feel that way, I have something to tell you………Wrigley Field is a corporate name. Get it? Wrigley Chewing Gum? Yeah. Its always been named after a corportate sponsor or owner. Where was this uproar over US Cellular buying naming rights to Comiskey Park? There may have been some rumblings in the beginning, but White Sox fans got over it.

And don’t you dare tell me that its not the same thing because Wrigley is a ‘special place’ and comparing it to Comiskey is like comparing apples and oranges. Did you know that Comiskey Park I was built 7 years before Wrigley? Did you know that Wrigley Field was known under a different name until 1927? Which means the name Comiskey Park was around 17 years longer than Wrigley Field. Also take into account that until some years in the late 1980s and the mid 1990s, Comiskey Park regularly outdrew Wrigley Field? This Wrigley phenomenon is a new thing. So its not as if Cubs fans have the market cornered on having their dear old ballpark submit to corporate sponsorship.

Get over it, Cubs fans. Spend your time focusing on the team, and their legitimate chance to win the World Series for the first time in 100 years and spend a little less time worrying about your precious Wrigley Field. Be a fan of the team, not a fan of some bricks and a neighborhood.