HHY’s Super Bowl pick

Honestly, I’m 2-8 against the spread this postseason. So no one is on the edge of their seats waiting for my pick. Also, these teams played a month ago, so what analysis can anyone provide? Yes, if the Giants get pressure on Brady they have a chance. Yes, the Giants might be able to run the ball. Yes, the banged-up Giants secondary will struggle to contain Moss and Welker. And yes, Maroney will be key.

I am basing my pick on two things: One, I don’t see how the Patriots lose. Two, every Patriots Super Bowl win has been by three points. So, I’ll go with New England 27, NY Giants 24. It will be 27-17 and the Giants will score a late meaningless touchdown to cut it to three. MVP will be Laurence Maroney (because there is no way I’m ‘going out on a limb’ and predicting Brady; thats horrible).

Maroney

But what I really love about the Super Bowl is the insane prop bets one can make. Here are a few that my favorite sportsbook is offering:

  • Total points scored by both teams, combined: 0-7 points, +15000. So, basically, if the Patriots win 6-0 or 7-0, and you bet 100 bucks, you get back 15 grand. That would be sweet. I’d buy a pony.
  • Exact number of points scored by New York: 4 points, +30000. ‘All I need is two safeties and I can pay off my student loans!!! Come on, Osi!!!’
  • Length of the game’s first touchdown: no touchdowns in the game, +15000. Wouldn’t it be soooooo the NFL and its ‘unpredictability’ if the game’s highest scoring team in history and the team they played a month ago in a 38-35 game hooked up for a 12-9, exciting game full of furious field goal action? (I’m only bringing this up because I have fucking 2 and 9 in my office’s squares pool……fucking worst numbers you can get.)
  • Super Bowl MVP: Tom Brady, -250. If you’re not aware of how gambling works, this means you have to bet 250 dollars just to win 100 if Brady wins the MVP award. Seriously, if you make this bet, cut your balls off and donate them to someone who will use them, wuss. Its called gambling for a reason.
  • Giants/Patriots total punts vs. Erick Dampier total points: This shit always kills me. Here, you can bet on the two teams’ total punts being higher or lower in compairison to Dallas Mavericks center Erick Dampier. If you bet this, you better be either Dampier himself, a member of his family, or retarded.
  • Giants/Patriots total sacks vs. Spence Tollackson total points: What? Who the fuck is Spencer Tollackson? I think he’s my accountant. I know my acountant isn’t going to score any points, so I’ll take the sacks here. This might be a great bet. My accountant is like 5’6″. I didn’t think he had a team to score points for.
  • First coach to have a close up of his face first: I think you have to go with Belichek here. The cameras love him.
  • Color drink dumped on the winning head coach: Blackish (+500); Blueish (+300); Orange (+250); Redish (+200); Yellowish (+130); Other (even). People, I’m not fucking with you. This really is offered. Whats to stop a sideline attendant for the Patriots from putting some black dye in the gatorade after the game and then dropping 10 grand on ‘Blackish’? I would. Whats Belichik gonna do, fire me? I’m a fucking sideline attendent. I just won 50 large. Go fuck yourself, douchenozzle.

So yeah, betting is fun. Have fun. Go Patriots (only because I want Mercury Morris to die a total loser).

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