Awesome Plan, Simmons

While writing about the pending hijack of the Seattle SuperSonics by new owner Clay Bennett, ESPN’s Bill Simmons has published numbers and numbers of emails from frustrated (and rightly so) Sonics fans.

Today, Simmons tried to offer solutions or ideas for Sonics fans to retailiate against Bennett and the NBA:

Anyway, as soon as the third quarter ends for one of Seattle’s upcoming home games, the Sonics fans should simply leave their seats and walk onto the court. Don’t be violent, don’t antagonize anyone … just walk onto the court en masse, and as soon as the court is filled with people, start chanting, “SAVE OUR SONICS!” for 10 minutes straight. Assuming you had 3,000-4,000 people stroll onto the court, there’s no possible way they could arrest everyone, and if they called the game, who cares? You were probably losing the game, anyway. The crucial thing to remember is that it should be done as non-aggressively as possible; the rest of the nation won’t be sympathetic to your cause if you act like jerks. And you shouldn’t chant anything like “BENNETT SUCKS!” or “STERN SUCKS!” You want everything to be as simple and benevolent as possible.

If you could pull this stunt off in a dignified way, it could be incredibly effective and raise the right amount of national awareness for this issue. (In fact, it would be the dominant story of that week and make the sports radio/talk show rotation.) I’m not going to pick the game for you, but I will say that you should pick a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday game so the story (and the highlights) can get national attention for the rest of the work week. Remember, carry yourselves with dignity and don’t act like jerks.

Yes, Bill, a plan where approximately 4,000 fans walk onto the court during a timeout during an NBA game couldn’t possibly go wrong. Yes, be sure to point out numerous times during your column that the fans shouldn’t “act like jerks” and should “act dignified.” Because three-quarters through a NBA game, the fans aren’t at all drunk and can be trusted to act in a civilized manner.

Bill, I understand your frustration at this situation. But asking that thousands of people charge the playing surface of a professional sporting event is asking for trouble and is, for lack of a better term, dumb. Just a few years ago the Palace of Auburn Hills was the setting for a massive brawl between players and fans. Now you want thousands of fans to take the court, and you think that you can count on the fact that out of all those angry, frustrated, and possibly intoxicated spectators, not one will fight a cop, or push another spectator, or perhaps something worse?

Bill, you’re one of my favorite writers, and while I’ve felt you’ve severely ‘lost your fastball’ over the past 6-12 months, the passage I read today was by far your most idiotic of your career. And perhaps more importantly, it was irresponsible.

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19 Comments on “Awesome Plan, Simmons”

  1. Agree. I was more than a bit ‘surprised’ readin that shit. WTF!?!?!?

  2. estevez Says:

    Mad at this slumping economy? Let’s get 4,000 people to surround the White House and walk very slowly towards the front door, even if it means climbing the fence surrounding.

    Hey, it’s all good, as long as we keep our cool yeheard?

  3. jerry seinfeld Says:

    i’m pretty sure bill simmons is the only white guy over 30 that still cares about the NBA…

    i mean, who the hell are the seattle sonics?!

  4. Anon Says:

    Funny from another aspect: this idea was stolen from that awful Whoopi Goldberg basketball movie “Eddie”. I’ve only seen it on TBS at 3AM. I should have switched to the informercials.

  5. Ryan Says:

    Sir, while I understand your valid concerns involving 4,000 people on the court, especially if they are anger and alcohol fueled, I don’t agree with the basis of your post.

    What’s possible is that Simmons is operating under the assumption that if it means so much for fans to save their team, then it’s possible these fans could forego alcohol consumption for a night to make a reasoned argument for the situation. Also, why would they want to buy the expensive beers and fork even more money over to the owners of the team?

    There’s many dynamics involved with this issue that it’d be great to see the fans band together in a coherent manner to draw attention to their plight. What Mr. Simmons did was provide a possible protest, something original. What you did was call him an “idiot” and assume fans must get drunk to watch a game. Point – Simmons.

  6. lol Says:

    so you self important hacks use anything simmons to generate traffic, glad you found something to glom onto and pretend to be indignant about

    effing pathetic

  7. SeattleMan Says:

    Okay. You thought the idea was “irresponsible”. I can understand that. What would be your BETTER idea to get Sonics fans some national attention?

  8. Tom Says:

    I think Bill has a great idea and you need to RELAX

  9. Pablo Says:

    You felt he lost his fastball 6 months ago? Jesus Christ, everybody in America stopped reading him in November 2004.

  10. jayhawkowensjunior Says:


  11. chemgod Says:

    I totally disagree, I think the Sonic Fans should do something en mass so that it would be taken to the national spotlight. Also I don’t agree with you that Simmons has lost his fastball so to speak, but he should write about other sports, the ones we actually care about.

  12. NFL Adam Says:

    How many class action suits will be brought against the Sports Dork when this goes horribly wrong.

  13. Rohit Says:

    What is this?

  14. Ronny Rashad Says:

    Let me guess! The idea of having those unhappy fans march to city hall, city square, or the Sonics front office en masse chanting Save Our Sonics was already taken, Mr. Simmons!

  15. 1 fish Says:

    “… fish two fish red fish blue fish
    knick knack patty whack give a dog a bone
    2 thousand zero zero party whooop outta time,
    my bacon’s smellin fine!!…..”


  16. […] who disagreed with my assessment of Simmons’ plan as idiotic and highly irresponsible in this post. I was even called a hack and was accused of simply writing about this topic (Simmons) to stir up […]

  17. […] of you to get a leg up on me. With Malice is just as tired of the same repeated stories as I am. Now Watch Me Jock disagrees with Bill Simmons’ stupid plan for Sonics fans to try and save the team. My idea? Why […]

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