Archive for March 2008

And the Bears are Already 0-1

March 31, 2008

Roger_Goodell 

Roger Goodell announced the NFL’s first weekend will feature a Thursday night season opener between the World Champion New York Giants and their division rival, the Washington Redskins. There will also be Monday night matchups between the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings as well as the Denver Broncos and Oakland Raiders.

Oh, and the Sunday night game will feature the Bears going to Indianapolis to open the Colts’ new home field, Lucas Oil Stadium.

If I had to pick the worst situation for the Bears to open 2008, it might be this. Maybe opening at New England in its first meaningful game since last year’s Super Bowl loss would be worse. Hard to tell. But a matchup of one of the most powerful offenses going up against the Bears’ offense–with starting skill position players Rex Grossman, Cedric Benson, Marty Booker, and Brandon Lloyd–seems like a choice tailor-made for embarassment. Add in the emotion and excitement sure to be felt by the Colts……and this one is going to get real ugly, real quick.

Thanks, commish. Good to get that tone set early with a solid 52-0 drubbing.

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Friday Hot Chick

March 27, 2008

So, here is what I need. Its currently 736pm. I need Xavier to cover, they are getting a point and currently leading by four. I need the UNC–Washington State game to go over 142 (not going to happen). But, if UNC can just cover the 1 point 2nd half spread, that over/under investment wouldn’t be as important.

What else do I need? This week’s Friday Hot Chick, Keeley Hazell, to never wear a shirt.

Goodness.
–Her team is going to give up a lot of goals.
–I’d be willing to wait a month for this.
–Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, she’s something.
–Why even waste time with non-nude pics? (NSFW)
–Also, you might of heard, that Keeley had a sex tape released a while back. Here she is blowing the dude in the movie. Here is a collage of screen caps from the tape (be careful of the penis).

HHY’s 2008 National League Preview

March 27, 2008

Brandon_Webb 

As with yesterday’s A.L. preview, I’m going to try to keep things short today. But I probably won’t. With that in mind, here are my projections for the upcoming baseball season:

NL East
1. Philadelphia–The Phillies will prove their late rush in 2007 and eventual division title was no fluke and will again overcome the highly lauded and overrated Mets. If Pedro Feliz, Jayson Werth, and/or Geoff Jenkins have solid offensive years, the Phillies will be the most dangerous lineup in baseball, and their rotation, anchored by Cole Hamels and the man that loves retards–Brett Myers–is one of the strongest in the league. There are a lot of questions on this team, but the biggest might be the acquisition of Brad Lidge at closer. Lidge had a great push late last year, but pitching in Philly might bring back a lot of nightmares for the embattled hurler. But even if he falters, Philadelphia has Flash Gordon waiting in the wings.
2. NY Mets–I love how everyone is handing the Mets the division and the pennant already because they made one acquisiton. Yes, Johan Santana is arguably the best pitcher in the game and could very well dominate the National League. And yes, the Mets offense can be dynamic, led by David Wright and Jose Reyes. But lets not forget this–after Santana, the Mets rotation is as follows: a 40-something year old guy who peaked in the mid to late 90s (Pedro Martinez); a third starter who, while solid, has never put it all together (John Maine); a guy with a career 1.43 WHIP and 4.43 ERA (Oliver Perez); and possibly Jorge Sosa. Not to mention, the Mets still have Brian Schneider, Carlos Delgado, Luis Castillo, Ryan Church, and Angel Pagan in their starting lineup……so, why is this team supposedly head and shoulders above everyone else again?
3. Atlanta–Up until this year, I’ve picked the Braves to be in the playoffs and/or World Series every year since I can remember. Why? Because it was the easy, pussy thing to do. They always made it. And while this year’s Braves have a very good mix of young and old in both the lineup and bullpen, I think the starting pitching will be the team’s downfall. The three to five starters (Tom Glavine, Mike Hampton, Jair Jurrgens) are all either unproven or proven to be bad. If I thought Glavine had something left in the tank or Hampton would revert to his old self, I’d pick this team to battle for the division title. But I don’t. So I won’t.
4. Florida–The Marlins are loaded with young talent, including possible MVP Hanley Ramirez. Dan Uggla, Josh Willingham, and Jeremy Hermidia are also young Marlins who could make an impact again in 2008. However, the best pitcher on the Florida staff is starter Mark Hendrickson or closer Kevin Gregg. Both are decent enough players, but when thats the class of the hurlers……it could get a little ugly in Miami.
5. Washington–Hey, a new ballpark!!! Hey, look at all the newly acquired talent!!! This is going to be fun. Well, it will be fun for people who are fans of the other teams. Watching Elijiah Dukes and Lastings Milledge in the same outfield (and city for that matter) for 6 months is going to be awesome. Add in the Meat Hook to that clubhouse and this should be its own reality show. On the field, Ryan Zimmerman could have a breakout season, but the Nats pitching staff is horrible, and if they were horrible in the old park……which rivaled Rhode Island in terms of square footage…..how bad are they going to be in a new park with realistic distances to the fences?

NL Central
1. Chicago–I honestly don’t love the Cubs this year. I think Ted Lilly will regress a bit back to his normal self, and the lineup excitement everyone is feeling is a bit unwarranted. While I like what people are saying about Kosuke Fukodome, I think the instability of Alfonso Soriano (especially since he’s going to hit outside of leadoff) and the great unknowns at centerfield and second base are question marks that need to be answered as soon as possible. One thing I know for sure is that the closer position will eventually be Carlos Marmol’s. I am sure about this for two reasons: one, Kerry Wood is going to get hurt; two, Marmol is better than Wood. By far. I expect a similar season to 2007, where the Cubs underachieve somewhat but still win the division.
2. Houston–I was all ready to pick the Astros in the Central until I realized that Miguel Tejada and his decreasing hitting ability and increasing likelihood of going to prison are going to be hanging over this team. I like the Astros rotation, and I think their lineup has the chance to be awesome. But the bullpen will be an issue, even with the addition of Jose Valverde. If Tejada pulls through his mess somehow and one or two bullpen arms come through, Houston could be the team to beat in the Central.
3. Pittsburgh–Yeah, thats right. Listen, this division sucks major ass. These six teams all have the ability to finish under .500. That probably won’t happen, but why not take a chance here with the Pirates. Their pitching is not bad at all. If they get a comeback season from Jason Bay or Adam LaRoche, they definitely have enough talent to finish third in this piece of shit division. Do they have enough to finish over .500 for the first time since ‘Cheers’ was on the air? I don’t know about that.
4. Milwaukee–The Brewers really should of won the division last year, but instead showed how a young team falters down the stretch. There is no questioning the Brewers offensive potential. But many of these young players–Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Corey Hart–had breakout seasons last year. Most of the time, after a big year, a young player will regress a bit the next year. So combine a slight downturn in offensive production with what is an atrocious pitching staff, and you have a 4th place finish in a bad division.
5. St. Louis–The only reason I’m not picking the Cardinals to finish last is because I can’t ever see St. Louis finishing last. In any division. But this starting rotation has a chance to be the worst in the league, and thats saying a lot. Adam Wainright is a beast, but can he stay healthy and pitch 200-plus innings as a team’s number one starter? From there, the rotation reads Braden Looper, Kyle Lohse, Todd Wellemeyer, and Brad Thompson. Great googily moogily, thats bad. The bullpen won’t be that bad, but they might not get many leads to hold following up that group. I look for the Cards to score some runs and lose a lot of 7-6 games.
6. Cincinnati–I really don’t understand what the Reds were thinking with the Dusty Baker hiring. I don’t think Dusty is a horrible manager, like many in Chicago do. In fact, I kind of liked his tenure on the north side (well, I’m a Sox fan, so take that with a grain of salt). But here you have this team, infused with young talent and some nice pitching, and you hire a guy with a history of not playing young players–no matter how good–and burning out young arms. It makes absolutely no sense to me. The Reds were going to be bad anyway; why not hire a guy who will let the kids mature and make a run in 2009, like the Brewers are doing? In any case, the Reds will probably suck and Adam Dunn will get traded for prospects, prospects that Dusty won’t play. Enjoy sucking until 2013, Cincinnati!!!

NL West
1. Arizona–Here’s a bandwagon I can jump on. While the Mets addition of Santana got all the pub, the D-Backs trade for Dan Haren might have been the more important deal. The snakes now have the best starting pitching in the National League, play strong defense, and have postseason experience. Thats a combination I like to ride all the way through to a pennant, my friends.
2. San Diego–Despite a lineup that is as anemic as Amy Winehouse, the Padres continue to pitch well enough to be considered a playoff threat. However, this year, the team above them in the West has a pitching staff equal to theirs (or better), and a better offense. Still, San Diego is a solid club who will win 85-90 games and win the wild card. Also, southern Californians will love Tadahito Iguchi. I expect the Gooch to take Cali by storm. Go get em, Gooch!!!!
3. Colorado–Last year’s runners-up had a hell of a run before finally playing a really good team, Boston, and getting their eggs kicked in during late October. Expect the Rockies to regress somewhat this year, as Matt Holliday can’t possibly put up the same numbers he did in 2007. Also, the Rockies pitching won’t be as good, as Jeff Francis, Aaron Cook, and Ubaldo Jimenez all had strong 2007s which were totally abnormal. Look for the Rockies to win about 80-85 games.
4. Los Angeles–Hey, we got Joe Torre! Hey, look at us, we added Andruw Jones! We’re the Dodgers, you know we’ll be good! No, you won’t. While I love Matt Kemp and Russell Martin, the rest of the Dodgers lineup is very suspect. Also, Brad Penny almost never makes it through an entire season without injury, so that leaves Derek Lowe, Chad Billingsely, Hiroki Kuroda, and Esteban Loiaza to carry the staff. And while Billingsely and Kuroda could very well be decent to good, Lowe and Loaiza are going to suclk.
5. San Francisco–Seriously, this is the worst team in baseball. Here are the Giants starting position players: Bengie Molina, Rich Aurilia, Ray Durham, Eugenio Velez, Omar Vizquel, Dave Roberts, Aaron Rowand, Randy Winn. Ok, you say, thats not great. They must be focusing on pitching. And the Giants do have the potential to have a good staff. But no matter how good the pitching is, someone has to score runs. And when Aaron Rowand is your cleanup hitter, you’re going to lose a lot of 2-1, 3-2 games.

Playoffs–Philadelphia over San Diego, Arizona over Chicago, Arizona over Philadelphia
NL MVP–Hanley Ramirez, Florida
NL Cy Young–Brandon Webb, Arizona
NL Rookie of the Year–Kosuke Fukodome, Chicago
NL Manager of the Year–John Russell, Pittsburgh
NL Comeback Player of the Year–Randy Johnson, Arizona

–My World Series pick is the LA-Anaheim Angels over the Arizona Diamondbacks, 4 games to 2.

HHY’s 2008 American League Preview

March 26, 2008

Vladimir_Guerrero

I’m not going to go too in-depth here with my reasoning for these predictions? Why? Two reasons. First of all, last year I picked the Yankees and the Braves to play in the World Series. I also expected the Giants to be a surprise team, and the White Sox to have a similar season as in 2006, when they won 90 games and finished third. None of these things happened. So why go into some deep analysis if its obvious that there is no way of knowing what will happen 7 months from now. The second reason is that about 50 percent of my readers come here not for sports knolwedge, but for my hot-chick-image-searching abilities. For you guys out there, here’s Lindsay Lohan and her ‘Mean Girls’ castmate, Lacey Chabert, two of my favorites.

Back to the baseball. Here are my predictions for the upcoming season:

AL East
1. Boston–The defending champs are still the best team in this division. The only way they don’t repeat as AL East champs is if Josh Beckett has an injury-plagued season and the bullpen falters. I expect Manny Ramirez to have a comeback season, of sorts, after hitting .296 with 20 homers and 88 RBI in 2007. I also expect numerous bandwagon-jumping douchebags claiming to be Red Sox fans to invade opposing ballparks to watch ‘their team’, only to ask questions like ‘Who’s that number 34?’ and ‘Why is Dice-K pitching right-handed?’
2. NY Yankees–New York still has too much talent to finish anywhere but the top two in this division, but I think this is the year the Yankees miss the playoffs for the first time since 1993. The substitution of Joe Torre with Joe Girardi is not as solid a move as many would have you believe. Also, the Yankees rotation could very well be awful, as Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy, and Joba Chamberlain (starting the year in the bullpen) all must contribute for the Yankees to be successful. But it will be good to see Yankee Stadium’s final game be mid-September regular season matchup with the Orioles and not a World Series game. Why? Because fuck the Yankees, thats why.
3. Tampa Bay–Oh, I love me some Rays. A trendy pick to finish ahead of the Yankees in the division, Tampa Bay’s starting rotation, if healhty, could be one of the best in the American League. James Shields and Scott Kazmir are a solid one-two punch, and I expect Matt Garza to have a breakout season. The Rays’ offense revolves around all-world outfielder Carl Crawford and breakout beast BJ Upton. I would agree with the thought that Tampa could finish second if I wasn’t so unsure about that bullpen. If you’ve got Troy Percival as your closer, and you’re not the 1997 Anaheim Angels…….you might have some late-game issues.
4. Toronto–Seriously, is there a scrappier team in the history of baseball than the 2008 Toronto Blue Jays? Maybe the 1993 Phillies, but look at some of the names playing important roles on this Jays team: Aaron Hill, Marco Scutaro, David Eckstein, Gregg Zaun….even Lyle Overbay and Matt Stairs are somewhat grindy, in a softball-beer league kind of way. However, as scrappy as this team might be, it doesn’t make up for the fact that none of their starting pitchers can stay healthy for an entire year and they have already lost their supposed closer for the season. Expect the Blue Jays to take the approach of the late-1990s White Sox teams, and try to win every game 11-10.
5. Baltimore–(In a Tony Montana voice): Bal-tee-more? That sounds like a bird or summthing. No, seriously. The Orioles are going to be fucking awful, as they have been since the late 90s. Steve Trachsel is their number two starter. Number two. For the major league club, not the AAA affiliate. Newly-acquired Adam Jones could provide some excitement and win Rookie of the Year honors, but the O’s will be lucky to win 70 games.

AL Central
1. Detroit–I really struggled with this pick, as it seems too obvious that the Tigers will take control of this division after the off-season they had. And the baseball gods do not work that way. But after looking at their lineup and rotation, I think its clear that they would have to fall flat on their face to not at least win the wild card, and Jim Leyland is too good of a manager to let that happen. Bullpen troubles could hamper the Tigers, but I expect the team to do enough until Joel Zumaya comes back and immediately starts making people look silly on his 129 mph fastball.
2. Cleveland–As a fan of the White Sox, I’m supposed to really hate the other teams in the AL Central. Well, except the Royals. I don’t really hate them. They are more annoying than anything. But I like this Indians team. I was very tempted to pick them to win the division again, but I will say that they will win the wild card. Look for either Grady Sizemore or Travis Hafner to have an MVP season, and I expect a bounceback campaign from 5th starter Cliff Lee. What do I not expect? I don’t expect to be shunned from the local Starbucks just for looking at tranny porn with my pants around my ankles while drinking my venti-no whip-mocha frappaccino. But thats what happens. Every time.
3. Chicago–Oh, my White Sox. I would love to believe the compairisons between this spring training and the spring training of 2005: how there are questions about the rotation, how no one knows who is going to step up out of the bullpen, etc. Also, I would like to believe that its not a big deal that 5 days before opening day, the Sox still don’t have a clear-cut second baseman, centerfielder, or left fielder, and are demoting one of the team’s home run leaders last year to AAA because we can’t get enough value for one of the best defensive third basemen in baseball. But these things are a big deal. I’ll be watching and analyzing all year long, but at this point, I don’t see how the Sox win more than 80-85 games, especially in this division.
4. Minnesota–As a White Sox fan, the Twins have always bugged me more than any other AL team. They always pull out big games in the most heart-wrenching way possible. It was always guys like Jason Bartlett that killed the team, not Morneau or Hunter. But this year seems different. With Torii gone, with Johan gone, with Francisco Liriano still a huge question mark, and with LIVAN HERNANDEZ the opening day starter…..I can’t fear this Twins club. I’m sure I’ll live to choke on these words in August when the Twins complete a three-game sweep of the Sox as Adam Everett hits a three-run triple in the bottom of the ninth to cap a 6-run comeback. But at this point, I’m willing to bet that this team will in fact suck.
5. Kansas City–People love Alex Gordon, and he started to come on late last year. This year, people seem to love Billy Butler, who will DH for the Royals. But outside of those two, this lineup really sucks. That won’t stop them from lighting up the Sox every time they play, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be bad. Also, the KC rotation is young and has potential. But its more likely that Zack Grienke and Kyle Davies will both need at least one more year before they can produce, especially pitching in the American League. However, look for Kenny Williams to acquire whichever Royal is pitching the worst out of the bullpen in July, to continue the in the tradition of Mike MacDougal and Andy Sisco.

AL West
1. LA-Anaheim–And here’s my World Series champion pick. I absolutely love the Angels this year. I think Ervin Santana will turn things around this year, and once John Lackey comes back in May, the LAA rotation will be stacked. The Angels lineup, which struggled to score runs in the past, will be bolstered by a healthy Chone Figgins and the energy of Torii Hunter. And best of all, we will be treated to the Rally Monkey again in October, easily the best invention by a PR team in the history of the world. Come on, people…..its a monkey in a little outfit that makes people cheer!!!! How can you not love that?
2. Seattle–While some M’s fans hate the Bedard for Adam Jones deal, I love it. Seattle immediately gets arguably the best starter in the league, and still has a solid offensive outfield. (Sure, they gave up some range defensively, and Jones might turn out to be a beast, but….). I like Yuniesky Betancourt at shortstop, and Ichiro is and will always be one of my favorite players in baseball. Scoring runs and middle relief might keep the Mariners from the postseason, however.
3. Texas–The Rangers could lead the American League in runs scored. Unfortunately, their pitching staff is ‘anchored’ by number three starter Jason Jennings and number four starter Kason Gabbard. Ouch. It will be interesting to see if Milton Bradley goes crazy this year; 81 games in the Texas heat, combined with living in Texas around all those crazy crackers might make old Milton throw his bat off an ump’s head. Who knows? Lets watch.
4. Oakland–I know Billy Beane is a genius and all, but this is a bad, bad team. If Bobby Crosby gets hurt, I can honestly say that as a pretty good baseball fan and avid follower of the American League, I know about half of their roster. Lenny DiNardo is in this team’s rotation; I think thats a character on ‘The Simpsons’. Also, Jose Hernandez and the ghost of Bobby Bonds have been seen spending a lot of time with Jack Cust, trying to entice him to strike out 250 times, shattering their marks for most K’s in a year. The A’s will be lucky to win 75 games.

Playoffs: Anaheim over Cleveland, Detroit over Boston, Anaheim over Detroit.
AL MVP: Grady Sizemore, Cleveland
AL CY Young: Justin Verlander, Detroit
AL Rookie of the Year: Adam Jones, Baltimore
AL Manager of the Year: Joe Maddon, Tampa Bay
AL Comeback of the Year: Cliff Lee, Cleveland

Back tomorrow with the National League.

ONIONS!!!!

March 24, 2008

Duke_West Virginia 

What a wonderful weekend of March Madness. Sure, outside of the Duke-Belmont game on Thursday night, the first day was pretty shitty. But that was more than made up for on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. At one point Sunday, Tennessee-Butler was in overtime, Davidson-Georgetown was going down to the wire, and Western Kentucky was holding off San Diego to advance to its first Sweet 16…….all at the same time. Watching CBS go back and forth between the three games, not getting a commercial break in for about a half-hour was the second coolest thing I saw all weekend (the first, obviously, being Duke losing again…..but we will get to that later).

East Region–North Carolina and Louisville might have had the most impressive weekends of anyone in the entire tourney. The Tar Heels scored 221 points in two games, including a blowout of Arkansas, one of the SEC’s top two teams. Meanwhile, Louisville dispatched Boise State 79-61 (and it wasn’t that close) and then beat a solid Oklahoma team by 30. My pre-tourney pick, Tennessee, survived two subpar performances against American and Butler to reach the Sweet 16. The Vols game with the Bulldogs Sunday was really, really ugly. The two teams combined for 50 fouls and 34 turnovers, and there could have been more of both. The most disappointing performance of the region was Notre Dame’s second round 41-point performance after shooting the lights out against George Mason on Friday.

Stephen_Curry

Midwest Region–Like everyone else, I absolutely love Stephen Curry. Dell’s kid scored 70 points over the weekend, including 55 in the two second-halves in which he played. I especially love him because I picked Davidson to advance to the Sweet 16. But that was more of an admonishment of the Georgetown Hoyas and the definition of weak sauce, Roy Hibbert. Seriously, people talk about this guy like he’s a clear-cut lottery pick. Meanwhile, he went scoreless in a Big East tourney game and scored 6 points and grabbed 1 rebound while committing 5 fouls in 16 minutes…….against Davidson. Yeah, he’s sure to tear up the NBA. In other Midwest Region play, Wisconsin had two solid wins and could topple Kansas this weekend; however, I don’t see anyone beating the Jayhawks.

South Region–Memphis coach John Calipari continues to bristle whenever the media mentions his team’s free throw shooting woes, saying its not a big deal. Although its entirely possible the Tigers could survive the tourney and become the worst free throw shooting team to ever win the title, I think Calipari’s continued sensitivity about the subject is obviously an effort to deflect attention away from a glaring weakness. Yesterday, Mississippi State was a bad bounce off the backboard from tying Memphis at the end of regulation after trailing 73-65 with 49 seconds left. How did this happen? The Tigers went 15-of-32 from the line, including 6-of-12 in the last minute. I could entertain the argument that Memphis is the least likely team to make the Final Four out of this region, behind Michigan State (a troublesome matchup for Memphis), Stanford (survived a scare and has the offensive post presence to really challenge Joey Dorsey), and Texas (a strong two seed who survived its own late scare to beat the Hurricanes of Miami). I would also like to give a shout out to the Pitt Panthers, who completely shit the bed against a big Ten team after winning the Big East tournament and getting my hopes up for a run at a Final Four appearance and a $410 return on a $50 “investment”.

West Region–All of the fun is being had out west, as UCLA monster-fucked poor Mississippi Valley State and then squeaked by Texas A&M to reach the Sweet 16. Meanwhile, Western Kentucky and San Diego verified what half of us were thinking when the brackets came out: “Why the fuck does UCLA get such an easy run?”……this thought also may have manifested itself with “How the hell does UConn get a 4 seed and Drake get a 5 seed?”. But the best part of this region…..nay, the whole tourney, was the Blue Devil beating at the hands of West Virginia after lucking out on Thursday against Belmont. Lets look at this, now: while consistently being a solid regular season team, Duke has been horrible in the tournament lately. Since the 2001-02 season, Duke has advanced past the round of 16 once, and that was in 2004 when they lost in the Final Four. I think its time to start calling Duke the chokers that they are.

Fantasy Baseball Surprises

March 21, 2008

Alexei_Ramirez 

I know we are in the depths of March Madness, but since I have my first of two fantasy baseball drafts tomorrow, I figured I would throw down some guys to watch at every position. Some of these guys won’t be major surprises, especially to my fellow baseball/fantasy nerds. But if you’re a casual fantasy player or fan, maybe some of this info can help you in your draft or the next time you’re having a baseball conversation with a sports doofus like myself.

First Base: James Loney, LA Dodgers–Loney was called up to the big club in June last year and immediately proved to be one of the best hitters on the team. After hitting just one homer in the minor leagues, Loney hit 15 in just 344 at-bats with the Dodgers last year while batting .331. Why the sudden boost in power? Steroids, obviously. Well, I can’t prove that…….maybe he’s corking his bat. But I’d rather have a cheater on my team that tearing it up for my opponents. You’d probably be able to get Loney relatively late in mixed-league drafts.

Second Base: Alexei Ramirez, White Sox–I’m sure some of youa re saying “Hey HHY, you’re picking a White Sox player, huh? What a shock, you perverted homer.” And you’d be correct in every part of that quote. But still, things are aligning perfectly for the recent signee from Cuba to not only win the job but have a solid year at a thin fantasy position. Juan Uribe is definitely on his way out with the Sox (finally), and last year’s surprise Danny Richar broke his ribs this week and will be out up to six weeks. Ramirez has looked great in the spring, and he could provide solid average and speed in a potent offensive lineup.

Shortstop: Stephen Drew, Arizona: Shortstop is a ridiculously deep position, and even if you don’t get one of the big three (Reyes, Ramirez, Rollins), there are five or six other guys you could be very happy with. But if you want to take a late-round flyer on a guy, Drew would be a solid pick. He only hit .238/12/60 in his first full year in 2007, but he blew up in the postseason, especially against the Cubs. I’m thinking that boost to confidence could help him become a premier offensive shortstop. However, he is a Drew, so he could end up missing the next four years with a bruised vagina.

Third Base: Pedro Feliz, Philadelphia–The 32-year old Feliz is a consistent, if unspectacular, player with multi-position eligibility. He’s usually one of the guys who bounces between the waiver wire and people’s teams all year. A fantasy whore, if you will. But a change of scenery to Philly could provide huge boosts for Feliz, who has averaged 21 homers and 84 runs batted in the last three years in a horrible hitters park. Hitting in the Phillies’ lineup and in that park could make Feliz a legitimate 30/100 guy.

Catcher: JR Towles, Houston–Towles was a September call-up for the Astros last year, and impressed enough to win the job heading into 2008. Combining his stats from the minors and majors last year, Towles hit .325/12/63. He’s a right-handed hitter playing in a park where I could hit it out to left field. If you draft two catchers, take a chance on Towles.

Outfield: Lastings Milledge, Washington–Baseball people know all about Milledge, one of the Mets’ top prospects for the last few years. This offseason, he was dealt to the Nationals. With the pressure of becoming the next Willie Mays in New York off of Lastings, he could blossom. He’s got speed, good power potential, and might hit around .280 or higher.

Starting Pitcher: Matt Garza, Tampa Bay–The 24-year old right hander moves to Tampa this year as part of the Delmon Young trade. In two seasons with the Twins, Garza went 8-13 with a 4.47 ERA and 105 strikeouts in 133 innings. Not exactly great numbers. But Garza was consistently ripped at the hitting-friendly Metrodome, while posting a 2.49 ERA on the road. Change of scenery plus no more games at the Metrodome equals a breakout season for Garza.

Closer: Trevor Hoffman, San Diego–How can the 40-year old all-time leader in saves be a sleeper? Well, Hoffman is being projected anywhere between the 9th and 16th best closer out there, and I think that any guy who has been as consistent as Hoffman over the past 15 years should be a top 7 or 8 closer, easily. Despite his penchant for choking in key moments like a 19-year old runaway in her first face-fucking themed porno, Hoffman is always good for 40-plus saves and a WHIP around 1.00.

Friday Hot Chick (Now Posted on Thursday Nights?)

March 20, 2008

So, my company implemented the Barracuda internet filter this week, perhaps solely because of my daily internet usage (which was probably between 4 and 7 hours a day). So now, instead of surfing between other sports blogs (Deadspin, With Leather, Kissing Suzy Kolber, Awful Announcing, etc.), celebrity gossip sites (WWTDD, idontlikeyouinthatway, egotastic, idontknowmuch, etc.), general humor sites (Cracked, Gorilla Mask, College Humor), and the other standbys (ESPN, MySpace, Hotmail)…….I have to do actual work. Or stare at the hot chick in the office. (Seriously….she’s a brunette Erin Andrews with a prettier face and a ridiculous body. Just fantastic.)

Anyway, this means that the higher-ups are obviously checking out what the piss-ons are doing online. So conducting an image search for “Lacey Chabert + tits” isn’t too smart. Therefore, FHC will be posted on Thursday night from now on.

I’m very proud of myself for this week’s selection, Michelle Lombardo. I first noticed Michelle when she played a bit part on ‘Entourage’. Apparently she won some modeling contest, appeared in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue, and has a few movies coming out. It really doesn’t matter……she’s ridiculously hot.

Pull those down.
They’re real…..
–….and they’re spectacular
–Usually I don’t do basic face pictures, but….
Damn
–Not until you’re finished with your dusting