NWMJ Mock Draft Version 1.0
I’m bored as shit, and I refuse to talk about March Madness until Monday when there is something to be ‘mad’ about; getting pumped about Syracuse-Villanova on a Wednesday morning seems silly and desperate. I’ll leave that to the four-letter network. I then thought about posting a mid-week hot chick, but then I realized that would ruin the happiness of Friday. I will, however, provide you with a picture of celebrity whore/actual slut Kim Kardashian, who despite her lack of morals (or partly because of them), has the perfect body for HHY’s fantasies.
Now that is out of the way, lets get to the NFL Draft, where every year I wait with bated breath for two to six hours only to watch the Bears either draft some safety from a Division II school or trade out of the first round. But despite this constant abuse, I come back for more. Here is my first mock draft of the season (expect a few more if I feel the need):
1) Miami: Jake Long, T, Michigan–Some people say Matt Ryan is the choice, but I haven’t seen anything out of the guy to make me believe he’s worthy of the top overall pick. The trendy choice here, at least lately, has been Virginia’s Chris Long, but I don’t buy that, either. I think in his first major personnel move with the Fish, Parcells will look to shore up the left tackle position for a decade.
2) St. Louis: Chris Long, DE, Virginia–This move immediately shores up the Rams defense a bit. Also, it may allow the team to either cut Leonard Little or have him whacked. I’d be fine with the latter.
3) Atlanta: Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College–Seems like a very logical move here. The Falcons could start him immediately, or let him sit behind the newly re-signed Joey Harrington for a few weeks.
4) Oakland: Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas–If the first three picks fall this way, there is no way the Raiders could fuck this up. Not even Al Davis.
5) Kansas City: Ryan Clady, T, Boise State–All of the Chiefs’ success in the late 90s and early aughts were based on a strong offensive line; recently, the team’s front five has been atrocious. The team begins building the front back up with the second-best tackle in the draft.
6) NY Jets: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU–The Jets will jump all over Dorsey at 6, unless some news comes out that his injury is worse than previously thought. They need defensive line help, and the best d-lineman in the draft could be sitting there.
7) New England: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee St–Cromartie will step right into the vacated slot of Asante Samuel. If the Pats get half the big plays this guy’s cousin Antonio is capable of, they’ll be happy with the selection.
8) Baltimore: Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma–If Ryan is off the board, the Ravens might address their passing game at receiver, where Kelly might be the best player available. Others are saying the Ravens will go with a corner or linebacker here, but I feel they need another playmaker to go with Willis McGahee.
9) Cincinnati: Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC–With a couple of good defensive players staring them in the face, I think the Bengals will choose the tackle from Southern Cal who had 8.5 sacks last year and played for four years in the most talent-laden program in the country.
10) New Orleans: Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy–McKelvin is a cover corner who can return kicks and will fit right in as a starter for the secondary-challenged Saints.
11) Buffalo: Keith Rivers, LB, USC–The Bills could go with about 6 different positions here, but I’ll go with Rivers as the pick.
12) Denver: Chris Williams, T, Vanderbilt–I’m tempted to have Shanahan take a running back here, mostly because he’s a crazy douchebag. But if I believe everything I read about Williams, he seems like a pretty nice fit for the Broncos and what they want to do up front.
13) Carolina: Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio State–The Panthers will be tempted to go with a skill position here, but if Gholston is available, they’ll snag him right up. With Gholston on one side and Julius Peppers on the other, even a concussed Dan Morgan could make plays.
14) Chicago: Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois–I was really torn here, like I was making the pick. I realize that no matter who is carrying the ball, the Bears need offensive linemen first and foremost. But I also believe Mendenhall is a feature back who can tote the rock 300-plus times in this league, and those don’t come around every day (see Cedric Benson). The Bears can address the line in rounds 2 through 7.
15) Detroit: Philip Merling, DE, Clemson–Could Matt Millen grab another receiver? Probably not this year, although a certain running back from Oregon could be grabbed here. I’ll go with Merling, however, a guy I had never heard of until last week who seems to be a solid, if not spectacular player. This could be a bit high for him, but this is the Lions. So who knows.
16) Arizona: Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon–The Edge (James, not the guy from U2) might not like this pick, but if the Cards make it, Stewart will be getting the bulk of carries by November.
17) Minnesota: Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida–With the running game solved on both sides of the ball, the Vikings now try to excel in the passing game on both sides. With the signing of Bernard Berrian, the team finally has a deep threat who can actually catch the ball (I’m looking at you, Williamson). And if they choose Harvey, and he can use that Metrodome turf to his speedy advantage, look out. This could be the steal of the draft.
18) Houston: Jeff Otah, T, Pitt–The Texans need a left tackle and Otah has played mostly right, but at this point passing on a guy like this seems silly. He would be the best player on the board at a position of need.
19) Philadelphia: DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal–The Eagles will get a better player at 19 this year than the Dolphins got at 9 last year. Jackson would instantly provide the team with a playmaker at wide receiver, something they haven’t had since…….Mike Quick? I’m not sure. Maybe Harold Carmichael. Also, this move allows the Eagles to put a potentially deadly return man back on punts, as well.
20) Tampa Bay: Limas Sweed, WR, Texas–This guy really intrigues me. Not just because of his talent, which I’m not sure about, but because some people have him going as high as 6, while others have him not even in the first round. All I know is that he is a big guy with good speed, and the Bucs’ best receiver–Joey Galloway–is 64 years old.
21) Washington: Calais Campbell, DE, Miami–I was tempted to go with Mario Manningham or Kenny Phillips here, but I think Campbell is the safe choice. This pick would provide G-Money and his Skins an edge rusher for the first time since the Dexter Manley days.
22) Dallas: Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas–After all the rumors about Silly Double-J trading up to get an Arkansas running back, it will turn out that he will stay put and get one anyway. Jones would be a solid compliment to Marion Barber and a great replacement for Julius Jones.
23) Pittsburgh: Gosder Cherilus, T, Boston College–Gosder Cherilus? Seriously? Playing for the Steelers? Why not. I think the Steelers have to go offensive line, especially after losing Alan Faneca to the Jets. I was thinking about the top guard on the board here, but I figure its more likely they take a tackle who’s stock is on the rise.
24) Tennessee: Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas–Which player in the NWMJ mock draft will have the most trouble getting through airport security? Its this guy, who the Titans will select to put the final nail in the Pacman coffin.
25) Seattle: Brandon Albert, G, Virginia–If the Steelers don’t take Albert, the Seahawks should. It would solidify a line which will have Maurice Morris, Julius Jones, and TJ Duckett running behind it next year. You better open up some holes.
26) Jacksonville: Justin King, CB, Penn State–I really have no idea what the Jags are doing this offseason. The trade for Troy Williamson just baffles me. They know he can’t catch, right? And they gave up a 6th rounder for him? Anyway, King will add to an already solid Jacksonville secondary. Also look for a wide receiver here.
27) San Diego: Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida–The Chargers might be the most talented team in the league, so they should just take the best player available, which at this point is Jenkins. If he matures, a one-two punch of Antonio Cromartie and Jenkins would be tough.
28) Dallas: Kenny Phillips, S, Miami–Solid pick here. Maybe Phillips can teach Roy Williams how to tackle someone like a professional instead of a 11 year old sissy.
29) San Francisco: Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee–The Niners continue to work on their defense with this selection. Mayo could be the best linebacker in the draft.
30) Green Bay: Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville–Look at me, throwing a little curve ball in here! I’m not sure if the Packers would want to bring a first round chosen quarterback in the same year Favre retires, but if they do, Brohm could be a solid selection. (Side note: remember a month or so ago, when Matt Ryan, Brohm, and Andre Woodson were all top-10 selections? Now you can’t find the last two guys in any mock draft. Know why? All mock draft makers are morons. Myself included.)
31) NY Giants: Dan Connor, LB, Penn State–In need of a replacement for Kawika Mitchell, the world champs get Andy Katzenmoyer’s more talented twin.