Archive for the ‘celebrity’ category

The Real Top 20

January 9, 2008

People slave over a hot stove every year to compile preseason top 20s in both college basketball and football. In the end, what do these lists matter? Sure, they help determine the eventual champion, especially in football. (I mean, if you’re not in the top 10 at the beginning of the year in football, you’re not going to win the title. Even if you go 12-0.) But in the grand scheme of things, half the teams ranked in these lists end up sucking. And teams not even thought of as a contender end up killing it and becoming a strong contender.

So lets stop with the top 20s for college sports. Lists are for expressing opinion and allowing blog writers like myself to get a maximum number of hits while shelling out minimal work. Add hot women and pictures to this list? GOLD, JERRY……GOLD.

So, in that vain, I have compiled the Top 20 Hotties of 2008. This list is based solely on my opinion. Also, you have to be relatively relevant; I’m sure some girl you saw while watching a Lifetime movie with your girl is hotter than Jessica Alba….shit, the girl in my office that sits kitty korner from me is ridiculously hot, and if she was famous, might be on this list. Unfortunately, no one knows her name. And there are no pictures of her on the interwebs. Believe me……I checked.

20) Halle Berry–Pregnant, and over 40, but still smoking hot. Anyone without Halle in their top 20 is a racist. There. I said it. It needed to be said.

19) Megan Fox–Let me say that Ms. Fox might be Top-3 worthy if she didn’t have so many stupid ass tattoos.

18) Mayra Veronica–I don’t know what Mayra does. She’s Spanish. Or Brazilian. Or something weird. But my oh my.

 17) Anne Hathaway–She was number 8 on my list in August, and while I’m sure she hasn’t lost any hotness in 5 months, when you expand the list to 20, one notices some girls that need some recognition. So by no fault of her own, Anne drops to 17.

16) Eva Mendes–I like Eva, but this is for my guy who has been begging for love for his number one.

15) Keeley Hazell–There are a ton of UK busty beauties, but Keeley gets the nod because she has a prettier face and a sex tape.

14) Aishwarya Rai–I’ve been aware of Ash (thats what I call her), but I never gave her full props. Yes, props. Its 1996.

13) Sofia Vergara–See the latest ‘Friday Hot Chicks’.

 12) Lindsay Lohan–Oh Lindsay. You keep fighting it. I see you with other guys. Yes, all of them. Settle down already. Or release a sex tape. One of the two.

11) Kim Kardashian–As you can see, I am a fan of those ladies who feel that a bunch of strangers watching them have sex isn’t a big deal. Nice pull Reggie Bush. Enjoy your herpes. Anyhoo…..she’s a slut, but she’s unbelievably hot. I don’t care what you think of me.

10) Gabrielle Union–Am I late to the Gabrielle party? I don’t give a shit.

9) Jessica Alba–Jessica has gone from my number one to somewhere around 3 to number 9 now. The reason? She’s getting too damn skinny. There aren’t many spinners on my list. So, my hope for 2008 is that Jessica’s pregnancy packs on a few permanent pounds on her.

8. Rosario Dawson–Rosario might be a top 3 candidate if she didn’t fuck around with her hair. I swear, sometimes she looks like Chuck Klosterman up in this mother fucker.

7) Roselyn Sanchez–Yes, Neil…..she’s hotter than Eva.

6) Marisa Miller–I mean…..I have no words. At this point in the countdown, if you’re really doubting the top-ten worthiness of a Marisa Miller, I want you to slit your own throat. If you don’t want to die, donate your penis to science or someone who will use it.

5) Christina Aguilera–X-Tina will always be my favorite skank. Sure, she’s respectable, married, and about to pop out a kid. She’ll always be durty to me.

4) Stacy Keibler–Legs. Ass. Blond. If she had a smidgen of talent, she might be president.

3) Jessica Biel–Lately, I’ve noticed that last year’s number two has been looking a little too buff. But the thing about Jessica is, she’s looked smoking hot–undeniably–for about ten years. She was cutesy hot on 7th Heaven–not that I ever saw that show. Then she did that Gear magazine shoot and was REALLY hot in ‘Rules of Attraction’ with Dawson and his creek. And now she look like……this.

2) Diora Baird–They’re real. End of story.

1) Scarlett Johannsen–Did you really wonder who it was going to be? ScarJo has EVERYTHING I love…..nice lips, sexy voice, curves, and what seems to be a bit of a personality. Anyone who says she’s not hot is wrong. No, beauty is not subjective. If you don’t think Scarlett is hot, theres something wrong with you.


friday’s hot chick

December 7, 2007

Lacey Chabert, the hottest cast member of ‘Mean Girls’. And ‘Party of Five’ (even though she wasn’t hot when she was on the show, she certainly has passed Neve Campbell and Jennifer Love Hewitt by.)

  • All of these pictures are going to be cutesy/sexy.
  • I think its because she’s religious or something.
  • She must know God personally if He gave her all this.
  • Lacey is of age, right?
  • Here is one with the other members of the ‘Mean Girls’ cast. Is it possible Rachel McAdams is the least hot one of the four? Yes, it is.

Is it also possible that of the four girls mentioned above, only one is anywhere near my age?

friday’s hot chick

November 2, 2007

Hey guys….there’s a new gal in my office that looks exactly like a dark haired Erin Andrews. Seriously. Its really exciting.

(*–your definition of ‘exciting’ may differ from mine, because I am a married dude who hasn’t had any strange since 2003.)

Anyway, she’s not the hot chick of the day. This week’s Friday Hot Chick, in honor of the greatest sporting event ever played–this week’s Pats-Colts game, is Gisele Bundchen.

I joke about wanting Brady’s knees to explode. I actually want them to go undefeated so that the 72 Dolphins will die in anonymity. Fucking jerkoffs cheering on the sideline on 12/2/85. Lucky ass Dan Marino. Who bounces a touchdown pass off someone’s helmet? Honestly?

Enjoy the Brazilian hottie.

fridays hot chick

October 26, 2007

So my brother gave me a few requests for today’s hot chick. They were hot, but as the big brother, I give him the same answer I’ve been giving him since 1980:

Go fuck yourself.

Anyway, this week’s Friday hot chick is one that is near and dear to my penis heart. Stacy Keibler, show ’em what they’ve won……IT’S A RAGING HARD-ON!

Every time I see this picture, I want to slap someone in the face because of Stacy’s hotness.

friday’s hot chick

October 12, 2007

Vida Guerra. And her ass.

  1. The shot that made her famous.
  2. This one is good.
  3. I want her on her hands and knees.
  4. Oh, these are NSFW by the way.
  5. She’s really just Latina, with fake boobs and a huge ass. I guess thats enough.
  6. Thanks you, Jebus.

lets keep it real sexy fellas…..thats my dawgs

October 10, 2007

Esquire magazine named Charlize Theron the sexiest woman alive this month. No offense to Charlize; she’s way hot. And I realize the point of these ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ things is to spark conversation and sell magazines. And usually I agree with Esquire (last year was Scarlett; the year before was Jessica Biel, I believe).

I have already ran down my top ten, which you can find somewhere on this blog. (If you haven’t read it and want to read it, go look for it, fools). But this entry serves two purposes: to update the site and to give Sarah Shahi the pub she richly deserves.

Is she the hottest chick alive. I don’t know. But I recently was reminded how hot she was, so I wanted to provide some links of Sarah. So here’s a Wednesday sampling of Sarah Shahi:

I could go on all day. Thank you for being so hot, Sarah.


PS–Sarah was on the ‘L Word’ show, so if you go to youtube I’m pretty sure you can find video of her in sex scenes with chicks. So you got that going for you. Which is nice.

friday’s hot chick

September 28, 2007

Christina Aguilera. Because of this. And this. This is nice too. So are these. Holy shit. OK, that’s enough.

wow! that rick ankiel sure looks younger and chiseled

September 7, 2007

i am a little less shocked about the rick ankiel hgh story than i figured i would be. the truth is i suspect everyone these days. hell, my screenname is ‘everyoneisonsteroids’


mustache for today

August 29, 2007


if it’s brown – flush it down! No! No! let’s sell it on the internet!

August 29, 2007

Who’s poop do you want to buy? Burt Reynolds, Jack Black, Mike Tyson or my personal favorite Mick Foley. (more…)