Archive for the ‘fucking retards’ category

Week 4 Goats

October 1, 2007

Half of the coaches and players in the NFL are fucking retards. Yeah, half. And I can prove it. Here’s a recap of some of the dumb fucking shit NFL coaches pulled yesterday during Week 4 action.

Norv Turner, San Diego–Lets start off with one that no one can argue with. This fuckin mope has taken last year’s 14-2 Charger squad and transformed them into a 1-3 shithouse seemingly overnight. But it can’t be all Norv’s fault, right? The Chargers have faced some tough competition, and yesterday’s loss to the Chiefs was just a matter of a underrated KC group having a great day, correct? Fuck no, thats not correct. During the first half, LaDanian Tomlinson had 16 carries for 116 yards and a touchdown, and the Chargers led 16-6 at the break. San Diego’s defense is cruising. All you gotta do is step on the Chiefs’ throat and feed LT the rock. He’s getting 7 yards a touch, for Christ’s sake. Let him take you home.

No, this fucking ignoramus gives LT the ball a grand total of 4 times in the second half. With a ten point lead, at home. Yeah, and by the way Norv, your fucking number one wide receiver is Vincent Jackson. Its not like you’re playing with the 99 Rams here, slappy. No, Norv thinks its smart to go ahead and run 20 pass plays and 8 running plays in the second half; Philip Rivers has three second half turnovers and the Chargers are outscored 24-0 en route to a 30-16 loss.

Norv, next time you have a ten point lead at home against a horrible offensive opponent, go ahead and give LT the ball 15-plus times in the third and fourth quarters. He’ll carry you to a nice easy win, you dumbass.

Brad Childress, Minnesota–This fucking douchebag isn’t as much to blame for his team’s loss as Norv since the Vikings were trailing at the half, so you would think they had to throw more than run. But the Vikings’ lone offensive weapon is Adrian Peterson. Peterson had 10 carries for over 100 yards in the first half. At the half, the Pack led a close game 10-6. So there was no need to abondon the run. Peterson managed two second half carries, as Childress thought it would be more effective to throw over 20 times. With Kelly Holcomb.

Its not like Peterson didn’t get his touches. I mean, why not have your star rookie running back who has struggled with injuries throughout his stellar career return kickoffs? Are you fucking kidding me? No, we don’t want to hand it to him in the running game; can’t overwork the youngster. But what…..throw him at the goalline and let him run full-speed into 11 Packers focused on getting a 60-yard head start and killing him? Yeah, lets do that. What a fucking dolt.

Coaches weren’t the only ones to look like idiots Sunday.

Chris McAlister, Baltimore–Its not often that a player can be directly responsible for his team giving up 10 points. First, McAlister, for some reason, just stopped covering Braylon Edwards on an 78 yard touchdown pass. It was obvious man coverage, but McAlister suddenly broke in as if expecting a square-in route. Edwards blew right by him for a long score. Then, later in the game, McAlister jumped offsides on a field goal attempt. The Browns missed the kick, but with the 5 yards gained on the offsides, they picked up a first down and eventually nailed a 3-pointer with the new life. Cleveland 17, Baltimore 13, McAlister 10 (which he decided to give to the Browns).

Chad Pennington, NY Jets–You look at Pennington’s line, and you’d think he couldn’t possibly be a goat. He completed 32 of 39 passes for 290 yards and a touchdown. But Chad had two atrocious interceptions. The first came with the Bills leading 10-7 and the Jets on the move. Pennington threw an out pattern which hung in the air for a week and was intercepted by Jabari Greer. But the Jets perservered and came back to within three, and had the ball on the Buffalo 40 with 12 seconds remaining. Pennington then inexplicably threw a psuedo-fade on the right sideline into double coverage, and the ball was easily intercepted by Terrence McGee. The two awful throws basically handed the Bills their first win. Eric Mangini was beaten by Dick Jauron, proving the theory that the sun does indeed shine on a dog’s ass once in a while.

I could also goat-icize the Bears defense, Brian Griese, the Eagles offensive line, or the Rams coaching staff (for playing Marc Bulger with broken ribs in a no-win situation), but I lack the energy to talk about the Bears. Or the Eagles. Or the Rams. They all suck, and this blog should not waste anymore space to their insipid bullshit.

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