Archive for the ‘HHY is an ass man.’ category

Friday Hot Chicks: Hot Asses Edition

March 14, 2008

“When I think of asses, a woman’s ass, something comes out of me.”–Vincent Hanna, ‘Heat’

Me too, Vince. Today’s FHC is dedicated to those women around the world with nice, round asses.  And to the ones with cute, little bubble butts. I like ’em all.

**–Mayra Veronica
**–Vida Guerra
**–Kim Kardashian
**–Sophia Castello (NSFW)
**–Kate Hudson
**–Old School Jennifer Lopez
**–Kate Beckinsale
**–Jessica Biel

I’m sure I missed some. I could of put up about 20 more porn stars with nice asses, but I don’t want to attract the wrong element* to this fine, upstanding website.

(*–This refers to the feds; not perverts–those are my people.)

How did the combine go for the Bears, you ask?

February 26, 2008

Cameron Worrell and Devin Hester

David Haugh of the Chicago Tribune wrote an interesting column today featuring questions he has since this past weekend at the combine. The obvious questions are about why the Bears are waffling between two quarterbacks that they aren’t too sure about and why either wouldn’t test the free agency waters. We all know they want competition at that position, but we’ll have to wait and see how well these two QB’s actually compete come September. Alan Faneca’s name has been thrown around alot, leading people to wonder how well the tandem of himself and Olin Kreutz would be next year. However there are major concerns that the Bears will really go after Faneca and another free agent like Michael Turner, with both New Orleans and Carolina looking closely at him as well. (Ummm no faith in Reggie as a full-time back then, huh, N.O.?)

There is also the obvious issue of Berrian, Briggs, and Ayanbadejo and the offers the Bears have made to them. I like Briggs, but he’s definitely looking for his pay day, as well he should. And Berrian would need to have a monster season this year no matter who’s under center to make it worth it to me. I also like Ayanbadejo, but we always have a new standout player on special teams each year (Cameron Worrell, anyone?), so why throw money at him when you clearly have other major areas that need fixing?

SIDE NOTE: Four degrees of separation: The Bears should have grabbed slot receiver Wes Welker because I think he’d be perfect in this offense, who came from the atrocious Miama Dolphins, who acquired Cameron Worrell from us, who I also liked on special teams when he was here, so I wonder when the Bears are going to get a great player from the Patriots to complete the circle of life?I don’t really care if they drop Griese because either Grossman has an amazing year or Orton has a decent year, passing for 100 yards and maybe a TD every game. Griese isn’t the answer and he didn’t play better than Grossman or Orton down the stretch. Who cares who he pissed off. He’s lucky to still be playing.

I’m going to have to say that again, we need to fix the O Line and running game to have a chance at a semi-productive offense, as well as bring back a healthy defensive unit that showed up towards the end of the season. If Glenn Dorsey’s tibia holds him to #14 in the draft, I’m not sure if we should draft him and take a chance like we did with Tommie Harris. If there is a potential O Line improvement when we get there, then I say we take a show there. This team has enough injury problems to worry about, although it is a tempting offer if he does drop that far in the draft.

Lastly, Urlacher showed up at the end of the season and he’s addressing his neck and back concerns in the offseason. The guy has consistently put up numbers since he’s been here and he’s the team’s leader, so whether you like him or not, let’s hope he comes back and has some games like he did late in 2007. We need him on the field and healthy. Let’s also hope Mike Brown can get a full season out of himself if for nothing else than to be a cheerleader for the defense. He’s great on the field but he’s about as durable as the condoms HHY used in college. It wasn’t a “comfortable” junior year for him, believe you me.

The Real Top 20

January 9, 2008

People slave over a hot stove every year to compile preseason top 20s in both college basketball and football. In the end, what do these lists matter? Sure, they help determine the eventual champion, especially in football. (I mean, if you’re not in the top 10 at the beginning of the year in football, you’re not going to win the title. Even if you go 12-0.) But in the grand scheme of things, half the teams ranked in these lists end up sucking. And teams not even thought of as a contender end up killing it and becoming a strong contender.

So lets stop with the top 20s for college sports. Lists are for expressing opinion and allowing blog writers like myself to get a maximum number of hits while shelling out minimal work. Add hot women and pictures to this list? GOLD, JERRY……GOLD.

So, in that vain, I have compiled the Top 20 Hotties of 2008. This list is based solely on my opinion. Also, you have to be relatively relevant; I’m sure some girl you saw while watching a Lifetime movie with your girl is hotter than Jessica Alba….shit, the girl in my office that sits kitty korner from me is ridiculously hot, and if she was famous, might be on this list. Unfortunately, no one knows her name. And there are no pictures of her on the interwebs. Believe me……I checked.

20) Halle Berry–Pregnant, and over 40, but still smoking hot. Anyone without Halle in their top 20 is a racist. There. I said it. It needed to be said.

19) Megan Fox–Let me say that Ms. Fox might be Top-3 worthy if she didn’t have so many stupid ass tattoos.

18) Mayra Veronica–I don’t know what Mayra does. She’s Spanish. Or Brazilian. Or something weird. But my oh my.

 17) Anne Hathaway–She was number 8 on my list in August, and while I’m sure she hasn’t lost any hotness in 5 months, when you expand the list to 20, one notices some girls that need some recognition. So by no fault of her own, Anne drops to 17.

16) Eva Mendes–I like Eva, but this is for my guy who has been begging for love for his number one.

15) Keeley Hazell–There are a ton of UK busty beauties, but Keeley gets the nod because she has a prettier face and a sex tape.

14) Aishwarya Rai–I’ve been aware of Ash (thats what I call her), but I never gave her full props. Yes, props. Its 1996.

13) Sofia Vergara–See the latest ‘Friday Hot Chicks’.

 12) Lindsay Lohan–Oh Lindsay. You keep fighting it. I see you with other guys. Yes, all of them. Settle down already. Or release a sex tape. One of the two.

11) Kim Kardashian–As you can see, I am a fan of those ladies who feel that a bunch of strangers watching them have sex isn’t a big deal. Nice pull Reggie Bush. Enjoy your herpes. Anyhoo…..she’s a slut, but she’s unbelievably hot. I don’t care what you think of me.

10) Gabrielle Union–Am I late to the Gabrielle party? I don’t give a shit.

9) Jessica Alba–Jessica has gone from my number one to somewhere around 3 to number 9 now. The reason? She’s getting too damn skinny. There aren’t many spinners on my list. So, my hope for 2008 is that Jessica’s pregnancy packs on a few permanent pounds on her.

8. Rosario Dawson–Rosario might be a top 3 candidate if she didn’t fuck around with her hair. I swear, sometimes she looks like Chuck Klosterman up in this mother fucker.

7) Roselyn Sanchez–Yes, Neil…..she’s hotter than Eva.

6) Marisa Miller–I mean…..I have no words. At this point in the countdown, if you’re really doubting the top-ten worthiness of a Marisa Miller, I want you to slit your own throat. If you don’t want to die, donate your penis to science or someone who will use it.

5) Christina Aguilera–X-Tina will always be my favorite skank. Sure, she’s respectable, married, and about to pop out a kid. She’ll always be durty to me.

4) Stacy Keibler–Legs. Ass. Blond. If she had a smidgen of talent, she might be president.

3) Jessica Biel–Lately, I’ve noticed that last year’s number two has been looking a little too buff. But the thing about Jessica is, she’s looked smoking hot–undeniably–for about ten years. She was cutesy hot on 7th Heaven–not that I ever saw that show. Then she did that Gear magazine shoot and was REALLY hot in ‘Rules of Attraction’ with Dawson and his creek. And now she look like……this.

2) Diora Baird–They’re real. End of story.

1) Scarlett Johannsen–Did you really wonder who it was going to be? ScarJo has EVERYTHING I love…..nice lips, sexy voice, curves, and what seems to be a bit of a personality. Anyone who says she’s not hot is wrong. No, beauty is not subjective. If you don’t think Scarlett is hot, theres something wrong with you.

 

fridays hot chick

October 26, 2007

So my brother gave me a few requests for today’s hot chick. They were hot, but as the big brother, I give him the same answer I’ve been giving him since 1980:

Go fuck yourself.

Anyway, this week’s Friday hot chick is one that is near and dear to my penis heart. Stacy Keibler, show ’em what they’ve won……IT’S A RAGING HARD-ON!

Every time I see this picture, I want to slap someone in the face because of Stacy’s hotness.

friday’s hot chick

October 12, 2007

Vida Guerra. And her ass.

  1. The shot that made her famous.
  2. This one is good.
  3. I want her on her hands and knees.
  4. Oh, these are NSFW by the way.
  5. She’s really just Latina, with fake boobs and a huge ass. I guess thats enough.
  6. Thanks you, Jebus.