Archive for the ‘list’ category

The Real Top 20

January 9, 2008

People slave over a hot stove every year to compile preseason top 20s in both college basketball and football. In the end, what do these lists matter? Sure, they help determine the eventual champion, especially in football. (I mean, if you’re not in the top 10 at the beginning of the year in football, you’re not going to win the title. Even if you go 12-0.) But in the grand scheme of things, half the teams ranked in these lists end up sucking. And teams not even thought of as a contender end up killing it and becoming a strong contender.

So lets stop with the top 20s for college sports. Lists are for expressing opinion and allowing blog writers like myself to get a maximum number of hits while shelling out minimal work. Add hot women and pictures to this list? GOLD, JERRY……GOLD.

So, in that vain, I have compiled the Top 20 Hotties of 2008. This list is based solely on my opinion. Also, you have to be relatively relevant; I’m sure some girl you saw while watching a Lifetime movie with your girl is hotter than Jessica Alba….shit, the girl in my office that sits kitty korner from me is ridiculously hot, and if she was famous, might be on this list. Unfortunately, no one knows her name. And there are no pictures of her on the interwebs. Believe me……I checked.

20) Halle Berry–Pregnant, and over 40, but still smoking hot. Anyone without Halle in their top 20 is a racist. There. I said it. It needed to be said.

19) Megan Fox–Let me say that Ms. Fox might be Top-3 worthy if she didn’t have so many stupid ass tattoos.

18) Mayra Veronica–I don’t know what Mayra does. She’s Spanish. Or Brazilian. Or something weird. But my oh my.

 17) Anne Hathaway–She was number 8 on my list in August, and while I’m sure she hasn’t lost any hotness in 5 months, when you expand the list to 20, one notices some girls that need some recognition. So by no fault of her own, Anne drops to 17.

16) Eva Mendes–I like Eva, but this is for my guy who has been begging for love for his number one.

15) Keeley Hazell–There are a ton of UK busty beauties, but Keeley gets the nod because she has a prettier face and a sex tape.

14) Aishwarya Rai–I’ve been aware of Ash (thats what I call her), but I never gave her full props. Yes, props. Its 1996.

13) Sofia Vergara–See the latest ‘Friday Hot Chicks’.

 12) Lindsay Lohan–Oh Lindsay. You keep fighting it. I see you with other guys. Yes, all of them. Settle down already. Or release a sex tape. One of the two.

11) Kim Kardashian–As you can see, I am a fan of those ladies who feel that a bunch of strangers watching them have sex isn’t a big deal. Nice pull Reggie Bush. Enjoy your herpes. Anyhoo…..she’s a slut, but she’s unbelievably hot. I don’t care what you think of me.

10) Gabrielle Union–Am I late to the Gabrielle party? I don’t give a shit.

9) Jessica Alba–Jessica has gone from my number one to somewhere around 3 to number 9 now. The reason? She’s getting too damn skinny. There aren’t many spinners on my list. So, my hope for 2008 is that Jessica’s pregnancy packs on a few permanent pounds on her.

8. Rosario Dawson–Rosario might be a top 3 candidate if she didn’t fuck around with her hair. I swear, sometimes she looks like Chuck Klosterman up in this mother fucker.

7) Roselyn Sanchez–Yes, Neil…..she’s hotter than Eva.

6) Marisa Miller–I mean…..I have no words. At this point in the countdown, if you’re really doubting the top-ten worthiness of a Marisa Miller, I want you to slit your own throat. If you don’t want to die, donate your penis to science or someone who will use it.

5) Christina Aguilera–X-Tina will always be my favorite skank. Sure, she’s respectable, married, and about to pop out a kid. She’ll always be durty to me.

4) Stacy Keibler–Legs. Ass. Blond. If she had a smidgen of talent, she might be president.

3) Jessica Biel–Lately, I’ve noticed that last year’s number two has been looking a little too buff. But the thing about Jessica is, she’s looked smoking hot–undeniably–for about ten years. She was cutesy hot on 7th Heaven–not that I ever saw that show. Then she did that Gear magazine shoot and was REALLY hot in ‘Rules of Attraction’ with Dawson and his creek. And now she look like……this.

2) Diora Baird–They’re real. End of story.

1) Scarlett Johannsen–Did you really wonder who it was going to be? ScarJo has EVERYTHING I love…..nice lips, sexy voice, curves, and what seems to be a bit of a personality. Anyone who says she’s not hot is wrong. No, beauty is not subjective. If you don’t think Scarlett is hot, theres something wrong with you.


hot reporter chicks

September 19, 2007

Its time for a new list from the guys at everythings coming up milhouse. We’ve done the overall top ten hot chicks and the ten hottest women in sports. Now we’re going to focus on the attractiveness of the sideline reporters, anchors, journalists and pseudo-journalists. Here we go.

10) Michelle Bonner–Apparently Bonner started work with ESPN two years ago after working for CNN. Its hard to come up with 10 hot anchors and sideline reporters, so Bonner gets the number 10 slot despite this being the only picture we could find of her. She seems pretty decent.

9) Rachel Nichols–Rachel seems dirty. She’s always got a little smirk on her face, like the chick at the party in college who your buddy just nailed the night before but is now looking at you like you’re George Clooney. And lets face it, you’re no George Clooney. Nichols is also a ‘two-face’; sometimes she looks relaly good, sometimes she looks like a gremlin. (Shout out to Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld for the creation of the term ‘two-face’).

8) Suzy Kolber–Suzy is a blog favorite. Just go to the very well-written and hilarious kissmesuzy.blogspot blog. She has proven to handle herself well in the face of a 60 year old drunk trying to make out with her on national television. She’s kind of MILF-ish as well.

7) Beano Cook–Seriously. Look at him. What a beast.

6) Sam Ryan–Now we’re getting into the nitty gritty, the real hotties. Sam Ryan is definitely that. She may not get the pub of other girls on this list, but this ESPN personality is definitely hot.

5) Bonnie Bernstein–Bonnie likes two dicks at once. Look how good she is with kids:

She’s pretty damn hot, and she’s Irish, so that’s sweet.

4) Alex Flanagan–I first noticed Alex doing a bowl game a few years ago. She’ s pretty hot.

No, not the ole’ ball coach. The chick. Click clack.

3) Melissa Stark–Melissa was the reigning champ for a long time, but has since retired to bake cookies or get knocked up or some stupid shit. Its a shame, because the world has plenty of moms; we have hardly any hot blondes with nice racks who talk about football.

Yeah, thats it. Get dressed up for daddy.

2) Pam Oliver–Pam is sexy as hell and it seems, somewhat feisty. Also, it seems she is big through the hips. As anyone who knows me realizes, if a girl has some room to play in the backyard but can remain relatively fit, you’re aces in my book. Pam accomplishes that.

If you do an google search for Pam, there are a few pics of her from behind. Unfortunately, I can only link to one here. She’s fantastic. If you’re not a big butt afficianado (sp?), you might only think she’s decent and not worthy of number two. Thats fine–get your own fuckin blog tho.

1) Erin Andrews–I mean, who did you think it would be? She’s just the tops. And she knows it, too. Yum.

A Very Sexy Post

August 27, 2007

I like making lists. Ironically, I hate list TV shows, like the “40 Greatest Fashion Crimes” or “101 Sexiest Goatees.” That shit seems arbitrary and weak. Unlike the list I am about to make.

A few years back I wrote a myspace blog (yes, myspace….fuck you) about ten women who I thought were the hottest. It got a lot of worldwide attention. (And by ‘worldwide attention’, I mean 4 or 5 friends commented on it.)

Well, I thought I would update the list. But this time, I will include my favorite picture of said person as a link. Maybe my blog partner in crime will follow up with his own list, although–outside of his current very hot girlfriend–he has horrible taste in women (he once told me Kirsten Dunst was hot).

10) Lindsay Lohan (more…)