Archive for the ‘Marisa Miller’ category

Fucking a….I’m bored

February 12, 2008

So, since the Super Bowl on February 3, I haven’t watched much sports. Outside of the Pro Bowl and a few decent NBA and college basketball games, there hasn’t been much on. I’m not a hockey guy, and while the sliced neck of a Richard Zednik was pretty grizzly and interesting, its not enough to get me to watch the fucking Blackhawks.

In the past, when I haven’t written anything in a few days, I have found that a solid way to push through a barren period for ideas is to just post pictures of hot women. Who doesn’t like hot women? Even heterosexual women like looking at a picture of a hot woman, if only for the opportunity to rip her apart. “Oh, look at her ankles” or “She’s only pretty because she has a team of makeup people working on her.” Yes, thats why Marisa Miller (NSFW) is hot. The makeup.

So, it was announced yesterday that our dear Ms. Marisa was honored with the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. And, by today, every picture from said issue was plastered all over the internet, meaning that no one between the ages of 12 and 50 with a brain will pay for the damn thing. (I love the interwebs and the Ebays). And I made a discovery: Brooklyn Decker.

So, a special Wednesday Hot Chick, with the newly-discovered (by me) Brooklyn:

*–Hmmm.
*–Howdy.
*–Your shorts are falling down, sweetie.
*–She’s giving me attitude, here.
*–Here she is with Marisa and…..what? Seriously?

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The Real Top 20

January 9, 2008

People slave over a hot stove every year to compile preseason top 20s in both college basketball and football. In the end, what do these lists matter? Sure, they help determine the eventual champion, especially in football. (I mean, if you’re not in the top 10 at the beginning of the year in football, you’re not going to win the title. Even if you go 12-0.) But in the grand scheme of things, half the teams ranked in these lists end up sucking. And teams not even thought of as a contender end up killing it and becoming a strong contender.

So lets stop with the top 20s for college sports. Lists are for expressing opinion and allowing blog writers like myself to get a maximum number of hits while shelling out minimal work. Add hot women and pictures to this list? GOLD, JERRY……GOLD.

So, in that vain, I have compiled the Top 20 Hotties of 2008. This list is based solely on my opinion. Also, you have to be relatively relevant; I’m sure some girl you saw while watching a Lifetime movie with your girl is hotter than Jessica Alba….shit, the girl in my office that sits kitty korner from me is ridiculously hot, and if she was famous, might be on this list. Unfortunately, no one knows her name. And there are no pictures of her on the interwebs. Believe me……I checked.

20) Halle Berry–Pregnant, and over 40, but still smoking hot. Anyone without Halle in their top 20 is a racist. There. I said it. It needed to be said.

19) Megan Fox–Let me say that Ms. Fox might be Top-3 worthy if she didn’t have so many stupid ass tattoos.

18) Mayra Veronica–I don’t know what Mayra does. She’s Spanish. Or Brazilian. Or something weird. But my oh my.

 17) Anne Hathaway–She was number 8 on my list in August, and while I’m sure she hasn’t lost any hotness in 5 months, when you expand the list to 20, one notices some girls that need some recognition. So by no fault of her own, Anne drops to 17.

16) Eva Mendes–I like Eva, but this is for my guy who has been begging for love for his number one.

15) Keeley Hazell–There are a ton of UK busty beauties, but Keeley gets the nod because she has a prettier face and a sex tape.

14) Aishwarya Rai–I’ve been aware of Ash (thats what I call her), but I never gave her full props. Yes, props. Its 1996.

13) Sofia Vergara–See the latest ‘Friday Hot Chicks’.

 12) Lindsay Lohan–Oh Lindsay. You keep fighting it. I see you with other guys. Yes, all of them. Settle down already. Or release a sex tape. One of the two.

11) Kim Kardashian–As you can see, I am a fan of those ladies who feel that a bunch of strangers watching them have sex isn’t a big deal. Nice pull Reggie Bush. Enjoy your herpes. Anyhoo…..she’s a slut, but she’s unbelievably hot. I don’t care what you think of me.

10) Gabrielle Union–Am I late to the Gabrielle party? I don’t give a shit.

9) Jessica Alba–Jessica has gone from my number one to somewhere around 3 to number 9 now. The reason? She’s getting too damn skinny. There aren’t many spinners on my list. So, my hope for 2008 is that Jessica’s pregnancy packs on a few permanent pounds on her.

8. Rosario Dawson–Rosario might be a top 3 candidate if she didn’t fuck around with her hair. I swear, sometimes she looks like Chuck Klosterman up in this mother fucker.

7) Roselyn Sanchez–Yes, Neil…..she’s hotter than Eva.

6) Marisa Miller–I mean…..I have no words. At this point in the countdown, if you’re really doubting the top-ten worthiness of a Marisa Miller, I want you to slit your own throat. If you don’t want to die, donate your penis to science or someone who will use it.

5) Christina Aguilera–X-Tina will always be my favorite skank. Sure, she’s respectable, married, and about to pop out a kid. She’ll always be durty to me.

4) Stacy Keibler–Legs. Ass. Blond. If she had a smidgen of talent, she might be president.

3) Jessica Biel–Lately, I’ve noticed that last year’s number two has been looking a little too buff. But the thing about Jessica is, she’s looked smoking hot–undeniably–for about ten years. She was cutesy hot on 7th Heaven–not that I ever saw that show. Then she did that Gear magazine shoot and was REALLY hot in ‘Rules of Attraction’ with Dawson and his creek. And now she look like……this.

2) Diora Baird–They’re real. End of story.

1) Scarlett Johannsen–Did you really wonder who it was going to be? ScarJo has EVERYTHING I love…..nice lips, sexy voice, curves, and what seems to be a bit of a personality. Anyone who says she’s not hot is wrong. No, beauty is not subjective. If you don’t think Scarlett is hot, theres something wrong with you.

 

fridays hot chicks

November 30, 2007

Today’s hot chick is Charisma Carpenter. I really don’t know what she does, per se, but I do know she was back in the news recently because she broke up with her husband. I think she’s an actress-slash-model.

There are two things I really like about Charisma, outside of her obvious assets. One is the wealth of nude photos available. The second are her areolas and nipples. I’m not usually a guy who focuses on this particular body part, but Charisma’s are a deep brown, and they intrigue me.

  • I don’t know whats up with the Warhol shit; just focus on the pic to the left.
  • This is the last one of her with clothes on, I promise.
  • Hi. (NSFW)
  • Make yourself comfortable. (NSFW)
  • Take that stupid hat off. (NSFW)
  • One more for the road. (NSFW)

I also realized that I owe everybody a hot chick; because of the short week last week, I didn’t put one up. To make up for it, I’m posting arguably the hottest chick on Friday Hot Chick history. I give you…….

……..Marisa Miller.

  • Thats just greasy.
  • I mean, stop it.
  • Go to church and thank Him.
  • Nice shorts. (NSFW)
  • I can’t even describe what I would do to this. (NSFW)
  • She seems fun.