Archive for the ‘New England Patriots’ category

Key 2008 Free Agents

February 28, 2008

Randy Moss

In no particular order:

– Randy Moss, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Patriots

– Asante Samuel, Unrestricted Free Agent, CB, Patriots

– Marion Barber, Restricted Free Agent, RB, Cowboys

– Julius Jones, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Cowboys

– Derek Anderson, Restricted Free Agent, QB, Browns

– Daunte Culpepper, Unrestricted Free Agent, QB, Raiders

– Michael Turner, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Chargers

– Jerry Porter, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Raiders

– Alan Faneca, Unrestricted Free Agent, T, Steelers

– Bernard Berrian, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Bears

– Alge Crumpler, Unrestricted Free Agent, CB, Falcons

– Donte Stallworth, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Patriots

– Bryant Johnson, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Cardinals

– Todd Collins, Unrestricted Free Agent, QB, Redskins

– Junior Seau, Unrestricted Free Agent, LB, Patriots

– D.J. Hackett, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Seahawks

– Marty Booker, Unrestricted Free Agent, WR, Dolphins

– Lance Briggs, Unrestricted Free Agent, LB, Bears

– Trent Green, Restricted Free Agent, QB, Dolphins

– Byron Leftwich, Unrestricted Free Agent, QB, Falcons

– Derrick Ward, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Giants

– Jesse Chatman, Unrestricted Free Agent, RB, Dolphins

My thoughts: Lots of old QB’s. Who’s Dallas going to sign at RB (should be Barber)? I like Derrick Ward and Michael Turner. Lots of RB’s who filled in for injured stars very nicely. The Patriots have alot of signing to do. Lots of old WR’s. Who wants to play for the Raiders or Dolphins anyways? Briggs and others will get their paydays.

Comments, anyone?

Rex of the East Coast

February 4, 2008

Eli Manning v.s. Rex Grossman

He is no longer. Like my counterpart, HHY, I too feel for quarterbacks like young Eli Manning and Rex Grossman for the scrutiny and criticism they go through trying to lead there teams through an NFL season. Both Eli and Rex exhibited similar traits – huge games one week with people comparing them to Hall of Famers, then horrendous games the next with people wishing they never uttered the word “Hall of Fame” in the same sentence.

Eli just shook that monkey off his back last night. And, as with all stories that feature monkeys, you liked every damn minute of it. Superbowl XLII, not to be confused with what some people call my massive head , was one of the greatest football games I have ever seen in my life. I’ll admit – I went into the game wanting to see the Patriots pull it off. I wanted to see the perfect season and not just to shut the Dolphin’s up. It felt like basketball in Chicago during 90’s all over again. The Bulls were the most dominant team I’ve ever watched and I can remember how exciting it was to experience that. That is a sports story that I can relive with my kids, just like how my dad shares his Bears stories with me each year. And to say that I watched the Patriots win all 18 games and then take Superbowl XLII into the records books would have been fun.

But then the Giants win. And honestly, I’m not a Patriots fan. Now I can tell my kids how the New York Giants beat the unbeatable team during their “perfect” season (which will now forever be put in quotes on this blog). Underdogs, going into the playoffs as a wild card team. First NFC wild card team to win the Superbowl. With the line being 12 points against them. Rolling off two TD’s in the second half and rattling Brady so much with their D-line attack that even he’s still trying to figure it out.

So I guess what I’m trying to get to is this: Why the hell are the Giants so lucky with their “Rex of the East Coast” and we lost so badly last year with the Real Rex? And if he actually comes back as our starter next year then he better have been taking notes last night. That and he needs an O-line. And a defense that played like the G-Men did.

I know. Wishful thinking. At least I have a great underdog story to tell to my kids. 

Super Bowl 42

February 4, 2008

Well, I knew it all along (scroll down to the Patriots recap). Yes, forget what I have said every other week about this Patriots team; I knew the whole time that the Giants were just the team to stop this vaunted attack.

No, seriously……I did bet the Giants to cover the spread, but had no thought of them winning yesterday. For a few minutes after the Giants scored and eventually won the title, I just kept saying “Unbelievable”, over and over again. After thinking about it, its truly the biggest upset I have ever witnessed. I wasn’t around for Super Bowl III; I was three when the U.S. defeated the U.S.S.R. in hockey in 1980. The only thing that I could compare this game to was the 2004 ALCS, when the Red Sox came back from 3-0 down to win 4 straight games and beat the seemingly unbeatable Yankees. But that wasn’t an upset as much as it was an amazing comeback.

As shocked as I was, and as genuinely dismayed that Mercury Morris will get more air time because of the Patriots’ loss, I was just as happy for Eli Manning. As I wrote a few weeks ago, I don’t think any player in sports today has had as much pressure as Eli. He plays quarterback for the number one team in the number one market in the country’s number one sport. His father was a star. His older brother is a star. He was the first pick in the NFL draft. For the first four years of his career, he got absolutely creamed for his erratic play. As a Rex Grossman backer here in Chicago, I felt a kinship to Eli for many of the same reasons–he was fairly criticized by some, but by most–there was a lot of unfair criticisms. But all of that is quiet now. Now, Eli can be just another Super Bowl-winning quarterback.


In today’s column, ESPN’s Bill Simmons wrote about the Patriots abandoned their usual attacking style of play, especially on offense, and he didn’t udnerstand why. I think its pretty clear why. The Giants’ defensive line had arguably the best game of any defensive front 4 in modern Super Bowl history. Tom Brady hadn’t been rushed like that all season, and with no time in the pocket and no established running game, he and the Pats offense had no chance to do their usual thing.

I was surprised that Bill Belichek didn’t kick the field goal while up 7-3 in the third quarter. The Pats were facing a 4th-and-13 on the Giants 31. New England’s kicker, Stephen Gostkowski, didn’t kick anything longer than a 45-yarder in 2007, but last year he hit a 52-yarder and is a career 5-of-9 from 40-49 yards. That’s better than 50 percent. I have to think those are much better odds than those that the Patriots would convert a 4th-and-13, especially with how the Giants defense was playing. But its hard to argue with Belichek’s coaching strategy and decisions–he’s one of the best of all-time.

All in all, it was a great game. It was definitely the biggest upset in my sports-watching career. (Yes, me watching sports is a career). But if you love me, blog readers, do me one solid…….

If you see or hear Mercury Morris speaking on TV or the radio, immediately change the channel. Maybe if we ignore him enough, he’ll die a slow and lonely death.

As the World Turns….

February 1, 2008

So do the gay jokes about Mr. Tom Brady. I’ll admit that a certain writer on this blog might have posted about this same topic recently. And even if you’re completely homophobic, for some reason you’ll still watch this video and laugh.

So my prediction for the Superbowl? New England 37 New York 24. Thats based solely on watching this video. I puked thirteen times when I saw Fake Madden feeding Fake Brady. Its coming up again….

HHY’s Super Bowl pick

February 1, 2008

Honestly, I’m 2-8 against the spread this postseason. So no one is on the edge of their seats waiting for my pick. Also, these teams played a month ago, so what analysis can anyone provide? Yes, if the Giants get pressure on Brady they have a chance. Yes, the Giants might be able to run the ball. Yes, the banged-up Giants secondary will struggle to contain Moss and Welker. And yes, Maroney will be key.

I am basing my pick on two things: One, I don’t see how the Patriots lose. Two, every Patriots Super Bowl win has been by three points. So, I’ll go with New England 27, NY Giants 24. It will be 27-17 and the Giants will score a late meaningless touchdown to cut it to three. MVP will be Laurence Maroney (because there is no way I’m ‘going out on a limb’ and predicting Brady; thats horrible).


But what I really love about the Super Bowl is the insane prop bets one can make. Here are a few that my favorite sportsbook is offering:

  • Total points scored by both teams, combined: 0-7 points, +15000. So, basically, if the Patriots win 6-0 or 7-0, and you bet 100 bucks, you get back 15 grand. That would be sweet. I’d buy a pony.
  • Exact number of points scored by New York: 4 points, +30000. ‘All I need is two safeties and I can pay off my student loans!!! Come on, Osi!!!’
  • Length of the game’s first touchdown: no touchdowns in the game, +15000. Wouldn’t it be soooooo the NFL and its ‘unpredictability’ if the game’s highest scoring team in history and the team they played a month ago in a 38-35 game hooked up for a 12-9, exciting game full of furious field goal action? (I’m only bringing this up because I have fucking 2 and 9 in my office’s squares pool……fucking worst numbers you can get.)
  • Super Bowl MVP: Tom Brady, -250. If you’re not aware of how gambling works, this means you have to bet 250 dollars just to win 100 if Brady wins the MVP award. Seriously, if you make this bet, cut your balls off and donate them to someone who will use them, wuss. Its called gambling for a reason.
  • Giants/Patriots total punts vs. Erick Dampier total points: This shit always kills me. Here, you can bet on the two teams’ total punts being higher or lower in compairison to Dallas Mavericks center Erick Dampier. If you bet this, you better be either Dampier himself, a member of his family, or retarded.
  • Giants/Patriots total sacks vs. Spence Tollackson total points: What? Who the fuck is Spencer Tollackson? I think he’s my accountant. I know my acountant isn’t going to score any points, so I’ll take the sacks here. This might be a great bet. My accountant is like 5’6″. I didn’t think he had a team to score points for.
  • First coach to have a close up of his face first: I think you have to go with Belichek here. The cameras love him.
  • Color drink dumped on the winning head coach: Blackish (+500); Blueish (+300); Orange (+250); Redish (+200); Yellowish (+130); Other (even). People, I’m not fucking with you. This really is offered. Whats to stop a sideline attendant for the Patriots from putting some black dye in the gatorade after the game and then dropping 10 grand on ‘Blackish’? I would. Whats Belichik gonna do, fire me? I’m a fucking sideline attendent. I just won 50 large. Go fuck yourself, douchenozzle.

So yeah, betting is fun. Have fun. Go Patriots (only because I want Mercury Morris to die a total loser).

Hey look….its the old favre! we missed ya, buddy!

January 21, 2008

Well, I am now 1-9 picking winners against the spread in the 2007-2008 NFL Playoffs. That’s tough to do. I am really on a roll.

Lets break down these bad mamma-jammas from Sunday.

New England 21, San Diego 12–You know, I really have to question LaDainian Tomlinson’s heart right now. If it turns out he has a torn ACL or something, I’ll back off. But all week he’s said he was 90 percent, ready to play, all that stuff. Then he gets to the biggest game of his career, gets two carries and a reception, then goes to the sidelines, wraps himself in a coat, and sits his ass on the bench for 3 hours. Maybe I shouldn’t question LT’s lack of toughness; I’m sure he would have played if able. But maybe it is right to target his leadership. I understand being devastated that you can’t play after believing you would, but why just sit on the bench all day? Why not be up and encouraging your team? I don’t think it would of made a difference in the outcome, but it just looks really bad.

Well, it wasn’t how I thought it would turn out, but the Patriots found a way to win–again. The Chargers definitely had their opportunites–3 possessions inside the New England 10 yard line produce 9 points. (LT would of looked great in the red zone, wouldn’t he?). They intercepted Brady 3 times. But it wasn’t enough. You have to hand it to Laurence Maroney–he could of very easily pouted and been a bitch about not being a big part of the offense during most of the regular season. But he has been a monster down the stretch and in the playoffs and has provided a needed boost while Randy Moss has been mostly focused on and shut out.

So, congratulations to the Patriots for going 18-0…….the first time this has ever been accomplished. I mean, at this point, 17-0 looks fucking worthless. Who cares about 17-0 now? Its a shame, because the 72 Dolphins have really been a class act the last 35 years. They really never wanted the spotlight, and never asked for recognition for beating a bunch of teams who didn’t make the playoffs. I really have missed Mercury Morris the last few weeks. I can only pray that ex-felon douchebag is in the hospital with open sores on his anus from his years of being pounded in the ass by dudes names Rock while serving his term for cocaine possession. “Call me when you’re on my block, and I’ll be there waiting on my bride.” Mercury, sounds like you’re overcompensating for being ‘the bride’ in your past. Open the door, asshat. Tom Brady’s on the other side, and he’s getting his dick sucked by Bridget Moynahan and Gisele Bundchen at the same time WHILE waiting for you. You and your team of overrated fossils are done, son! You’re done.

(I don’t like the 72 Dolphins.)

NY Giants 23, Green Bay 20–As a Bears fan, you would think I was ecstatic about the hated Packers losing. I wasn’t. While I was cautious that the hype would be unbearable, I was really looking forward to Brady-Favre in two weeks. It would of been fun.

Unfortunately, two things that have been lingering regarding Green Bay popped up yesterday and they killed the Packers. First of all, Mike McCarthy is not that good of a coach. I found it strange that this guy was considered the coach of the year by many, and probably would have won the award had the Pats not gone 16-0. Meanwhile, he totally blew the first game against the Bears with horrible time management and play calling. The second game of the year for the Packers, against San Diego, featured McCarthy calling a shotgun/5-wide receiver formation on a 4th and goal from the 1 foot line; obviously, I found that curious. But after the regular season and Seattle game were over, I figured those were isolated incidents and McCarthy was really the 2nd best coach in the league this year. But he’s not. The Packers game plan was atrocious yesterday. Ryan Grant got 13 carries. I know he didn’t run well, gaining only 29 yards. But you have to give him a chance to establish himself. He had 6 carries in the second half and overtime. McCarthy panicked and decided it was going to be all-Favre, all the time. And that led to…..

…old Favre. In my preview for the game I wrote that the only the reappearance of Old Favre would beat the Packers. Well, he showed up. And the reason that he showed up was because the Packers never established the run. The first three quarters or so, Favre looked decent. But from the point that he threw that bomb into triple coverage, I knew the Packers were cooked. Later he ran around like a nutcase, throwing across his body and getting intercepted by R.W. McQuarters, only to get the ball back because R-Dub was holding the ball like Britney holds a baby. Through the rest of the game, Brett was taking chances he shouldn’t have and throwing bad passes, including the one which eventually set up the winning score.

Again, big ups to Eli. I wrote about it last week, but I am really happy for Elisha. He will be partying it up this week at the 24th annual ‘Go Fuck Yourself, Haters’ golf and fishing trip. Regular attendees will include other thought-to-be-shitty quarterbacks who made the Super Bowl, including Grossman, Trent Dilfer, Stan Humphries, Chris Chandler, Jake Delhomme, Kerry Collins, Tony Eason, Jeff Hostetler, and the trip’s founder, David Woodley.

HHY looks at the conference championship games

January 17, 2008

I’m not keeping track of my record picking games anymore. I was barely under .500 on the regular season, and my goal was to finish .500 or better. And so far picking winners in the postseason, I’m 2-6 or 1-7. I can’t remember. (Because of an unexplained hot streak picking over-unders, I’m not getting totally killed betting during this postseason). So lets just look at the two games this weekend.

San Diego (+14) at New England–We all know my hatred for this San Diego team. Rivers, LT, Merriman, Phillips, Olshansky, Norv……I hate them all, for entirely different reasons. There hasn’t been a bigger collection of douchenozzles since the last hardawayhatesyou family reunion. That being said, Rivers is playing really well, and it seems that Norv–somehow–is making a case for being a good coach. (I can’t believe I just wrote that.)

But I don’t care how wrong I have been about the Chargers during this postseason, there is absolutely no way they beat New England on the road Sunday. Tom Brady’s boys are on a mission, and while San Diego always gives Peyton Manning and the Colts problems, Brady has never had much trouble with the Charger defense. On the other side, San Diego has a chance to score some points if LT is healthy. But this Charger team is just too banged up. Add to the already advantageous position the Pats are in, being more talented and everything–that now the Chargers are talking shit. Igor Olshansky, a word of advice: Shut up. Call Reggie Nelson after the game and talk about how Brady ‘Ain’t all that.’ But don’t anger the best team of all time before their last home game. New England 38, San Diego 17.

NY Giants (+7) at Green Bay–Like I wrote last week, I’m very happy for Eli. He’s my east coast Rex, and I will back him. Except this week. Eli and his kids don’t have a chance in hell in Lambeau. This is Brett’s year.

Breaking this down football-wise, the only way the Giants win this game is if their defensive front gets constant pressure on Favre, like they did on Romo last week. Then, Favre has to have one of his ‘I’m throwing this bad boy up for grabs’ games and he accounts for like 5 turnovers. But that isn’t going to happen. Favre is going to throw those quick little slants to Driver and Jennings to neutralize the Giants’ pass rush. The New York secondary is decimated, so much so that fucking RW McQuarters is getting quality time. Also, Ryan Grant is running well behind one of the two best offensive lines in football. On the other side, the Giants might be able to move the ball a bit, but the Packers defense is better than Dallas’, who held the Giants to 56 yards in the second half last week. The only way the Giants win (or cover) is if Brett has a 2003-2006 Brett Favre game and turns the ball over. But this is 2007 Brett Favre, and he ain’t having that in the NFC Championship game at home. Green Bay 27, NY Giants 13.