Before we get to the games, ECUM would like to throw out our best wishes to Sean Taylor and his family. Hopefully Taylor can pull through.
I would like to throw out my worst wishes to the Minnesota defense, the fantasy defense of my brother Matt, who returned three picks for touchdowns and carried his ass to a .12 victory in a must win this week.
Also, I’m not doing the Thanksgiving games because they were played five days ago and all the games sucked.
Oakland 20, Kansas City 17–So with just over three minutes remaining, the Chiefs faced a 4th and 2 on the Oakland 22, down three points. Herm Edwards takes a timeout, his second. He then decides to challenge the spot of the ball, and loses the challenge. No timeouts left. Then, with only a 39-yard field goal to tie the game, Herm decides…….to go for it. The Chiefs fail, and the Raiders hold the ball for the remainder of the game en route to their first division win since 2004.
Explain this to me–even if you convert the 4th down, you still have 20 yards to go to get the touchdown. So you still might have to kick the field goal. How does the risk of converting a 4th and 2 not outweigh the reward here? Herm Edwards, if you read ECUM (and I know you do), please email me at imafuckingasswipeheadcoach@yahoo.com.
Seattle 24, St. Louis 19–I usually don’t feel bad for Rams fans; they’re mostly either hillbillies or douchebags (or hillbilly douchebags). But this season, my heart hurts a bit for them. Its obvious that in this division, if Jackson and Bulger had stayed healthy, they’d be right there. They should have won yesterday, but apparently 1st and goal from the Seahawk 4 isn’t ideal for the greatest show on turf. Gus Frerrote got the yips on the first down play, missing a wide open Isaac Bruce from 12 feet away. He could of kicked it to Bruce and gotten it closer than he did with his arm.
In other news, the Seahawks are easily the worst 7-4 team in the history of sports.
Minnesota 41, NY Giants 17–Think of the things that mean late-fall, early-winter: Thanksgiving and the holiday season…..crazy shopping…..cold weather here in Chicago….and the Giants’ late-season collapse. The Vikings’ defense scored 21 points, and the Giants scored 17. Eli cheesecaked it up. (Seriously? That was horrible. I apologize).
Its going to be awesome in Soldier Field next week when Tom Coughlin and the Giants kick it to Hester and the Bears somehow win and get to 6-6 despite being one of the worst teams in the league.
Tampa Bay 19, Washington 13–The Redskins turned the ball over 6 times and still could have won the game. In other horrid coaching news, Joe Gibbs made a curious decision yesterday: the Skins were down 9 early in the 4th quarter, facing a 4th down and 2 on the Bucs’ 13 yard line. Since you’re down 9, you need either a touchdown and field goal to win the game or three field goals to tie it. So in either scenario, you need a field goal.
So of course Gibbs decides to go for it, and calls a run up the middle which gains a total of zero yards. Later in the game the Skins kick a field goal, and at the end of the thrilling contest Washington signal caller Jason Campbell was intercepted in the end zone with seconds remaining. So if Gibbs had kicked the field goal in the situation mentioned, its 19-13. They added another field goal, which would of made it 19-16. Then, instead of having to go for the touchdown late, Gibbs could have played for the tie and given the Skins a chance in overtime. Do NFL coaches have the ability to do simple math?
New Orleans 31, Carolina 6–Carolina is perhaps the worst team in the league right now. I wouldn’t feel comfortable for them to beat anyone. Be honest…..if the Panthers were hosting the Dolphins next week, would you feel good about their chances to win? Remember, the mighty Panther are 0-5 at home this year.
Jacksonville 36, Buffalo 14–This game was much closer than it seemed as the Jags added two late touchdowns to put the game out of reach. David Garrard has still not thrown an interception, and suddenly next week’s Jaguars-Colts tilt looks like it might decide the AFC South.
When reached for comment, Byron Leftwich said ‘Hfftmth’ because his mouth was full of delicious leftover sweet potato pie. (He’s fat).
Cincinnati 35, Tennessee 6–Three weeks ago, the Titans were considered a dark horse to lose to the Patriots in the AFC Championship (thats about the highest honor you can give someone this year). Now they look like they won’t even make the playoffs. I refuse to believe this is all because of the loss of Albert Haynesworth; believe me, I know Haynesworth is an absolute batterer beast who is very valuable to the Tennessee defense, but they’ve gone from the 2nd-ranked defense in the league to giving up over 30 points per game since he’s been out. One guy can’t make that big of a difference, can he?
Also, did you see that Justin Gage is starting at wide receiver for Tennessee? I saw him and Bobby Wade this weekend. These are guys who couldn’t get on the field for some of the worst Bears offenses in history 3-5 years ago. There’s hope yet for the Mark Bradleys of the world. Somewhere Wendell Davis awaits a phone call.
Cleveland 27, Houston 17–OK, the ECUM Browns win again, and EOS and I are thrilled. Our adopted team looks strong and we will have a rooting interest in the post-season. However……
……my enjoyment of the game was ruined when I was completely betrayed by play-by-play guy Gus Johnson. I love Gus; he’s always really excited during his work and he brings me an almost giddy feeling whenever I watch an event he is working. But yesterday he said, and I am quoting here, “Back at the goalline stands the Browns’ Joshua Cribbs–the most dangerous return man in the league.”
There. Are. No. Words.
San Francisco 37, Arizona 31–How shitty do you have to be as a defense to give up 37 points to the fucking Niners? Also, Ken Whizzenhutt, I have decided, is a fucking moron. 49 passes, 22 runs. Great playcalling balance, you stupid fuckface. I drafted Edgerrin James partly because you were coming from Pittsburgh and were promising to re-establish the dead Cardinal running game. But you think its better to throw with Kurt fucking Warner 50 times against a horrible run defense? Great. Oh, also, outstanding play call on the first down on your own four in OT. Yeah, just call another pass with Kurt Warner back there–a guy who’s notorious for sitting in the pocket forever, taking sacks and fumbling. Die, shithead.
San Diego 32, Baltimore 14–Norv and the Chargers cruised past Billick and the Ravens as Antonio Gates had over 100 yards receiving and 2 scores. San Diego now sits atop the AFC West all alone……at 6-5. Next week, Norv’s Crew face Herm and the Chiefs in the quarterfinals of the Shitty Head Coaches Classic (otherwise named Week 13).
New England 31, Philadelphia 28–Eagles played an awesome game. Great game plan, superb play by their defense. Patriots managed 31 points and still won. Hey, they are human and have been played tough twice this season. The Steelers could give them a game. But I’m still willing to bet that the Patriots will go 19-0.
Is there any doubt as to why gamblers have no chance betting the NFL? Earlier this year, the Bears went into Philly and beat the Eagles. Last night, the Eagles–with a backup quarterback–were very close to beating what some believe is the best team of all time. You never know.
Chicago 37, Denver 34–Listen, everyone knows what the deal is with number 23. I’ve written it numerous times in this blog–the man is simply fantastic. He might be, right now, my third favorite Chicago athlete of all time (MJ, Walter). But Devin does not erase these unarguable, obvious facts:
- This team, in the grand scheme of things, is going NOWHERE. And not just this year. There are a lot of issues with this team. Like….
- The offensive line has got to be the worst in football. I haven’t watched enough of every other team in the league, but I find it hard to believe that this group isn’t one of the worst five in the NFL. Olin Kruetz is the best player of the five, and even he is not that good.
- Because of a combination of a piss poor offensive line and bad backs, the Bears have no running game.
- The lack of a running game would be less of a big deal if you had a passing game worth a damn. Yesterday, Bears receivers had 5 catches.
- Mark Anderson is not an every down defensive end. I have never seen a guy lose contain over and over again like he did yesterday. He’s a third-down, rush specialist; thats it.
- Lord and baby Jesus……Adam Archuleta should not be in the league. There is absolutely no way the guy behind him on the depth chart is worse than him. How can Lovie Smith continue to throw this guy out there?
- I will continue to watch this team because I am a dope.
