Fuck the Bears. Seriously. Fuck em. Why do I put myself through this torture week after week, year after year? Will I ever see a better than mediocre Bears’ quarterback? Will I have to watch Cedric Benson carry the ball ever again after 2007? How long is it going to take to rebuild this entire offensive line? Can we get two new safeties that don’t suck? Will we re-sign Lance Briggs? A lot of issues at Halas Hall.
Anyway….here’s my look at the Week 8 scores.
Detroit 16, Chicago 7–It’s insane how easily this game breaks down. The Bears have no offensive line. Look at New England, who’s offensive line is having the best season for a offensive front I’ve ever seen. The offense’s effectiveness starts there, so when there are no running lanes, no time for the quarterback, a piss poor running back, mediocre receivers……the team is going to struggle. I’m not going to blame this all on Griese, but you can’t have three interceptions in the end zone. I know he’s just trying to make things happen, but the reason Griese is starting is because the last guy would rather throw the ball up for grabs than take a sack. Whatever….I’m spent.
Pittsburgh 24, Cincinnati 13–They’re not going any further than the second round of the playoffs, but the Steelers are definitely a top five team. Meanwhile, the Bengals continue to play perhaps the most heartless football in the league. Marvin Lewis, down 14-3 in the third quarter with 4th and goal from the 1, decides to kick a field goal. The Steelers promptly take the next kick and drive for a game-deciding touchdown. Thats a statement play right there; Marvin, you’re 2-4 and a win in this game saves your season. You have a top quarterback and two of the best receivers in football. Go for the touchdown.
Tennessee 13, Oakland 9–The Titans continue their quest to be the most boring team in the history of the league. The Chris Henry that doesn’t buy liquor for 15 year old girls had the game’s only touchdown, and apparently the Raiders are so hard up for skill players that they threw to Mike Williams on a 4th and 14 late in the fourth quarter. It hit him between the……whatever number he wears, and the Titans escaped.
Cleveland 27, St. Louis 20–I’m not going to make jokes at the Rams’ expense. They’re bad, we all know it. However, in all the talk about the great Randy Moss and other Patriot receivers, people are missing that Braylon Edwards is the best receiver in the league right now. A case can be made for TJ Houshmandzadeh, but he has Chad Johnson on the other side, so he never sees a double team. Defense are trying to take away Edwards, and he’s still got 669 yards and 9 touchdowns this year.
NY Giants 13, Miami 10–You know, we always talk about how soccer sucks because its low scoring. Then we throw a game out there with 23 total points. Maybe now the British will decide they don’t want any part of American football and the NFL will stop taking away home games from teams that deperately need them.
Philadelphia 23, Minnesota 16–Donovan McNabb threw for 333 yards, and that cued the ‘Donovan and the Eagles are back’ stories on TV, but when you take a closer look, McNabb was helped by three unbelieveable catches by Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown, and the Vikings pass defense is one of the worst in the league. Lets see Philly do it two or three weeks in a row before we pronounce them back.
Indianapolis 31, Carolina 7–Any time a Vinny Testaverde plays at home, you have to batten down the hatches and hold on, cause its gonna get frisky in here! Anyway, Vinny went 12-of-20 for 82 yards. In the hubub of the Patriots’ majesty, no one notices that the Colts won at Jacksonville and at Carolina in a span of six days by a combined score of 60-14. Thats pretty damn impressive.
Buffalo 13, NY Jets 3–I’m going to begrudgingly say something here: Dick Jauron, while not a great play calling and adjustments coach, is definitely one of the top ten in the league at maximizing talent. I mean, they are one ridiculous Nick Folk field goal and another last millisecond field goal by Jason Elam away from being 5-2. I say that will a lot of begrudgiment (not a word), because Uncle Dick is a corpse who refused to make adjustments and sit bad players while in Chicago.
San Diego 35, Houston 10–Matt Turk probably did the most pussy thing of the season yesterday. The Texans’ punter is back on his own 30 to kick, and the ball is snapped ridiculously over his head, bouncing all the way to the end zone. He runs back, and with time to either fall on it (which might hurt because someone will hit him or fall on him) or kick it out of the end zone for a safety, he decides to dive to a spot two yards beyond where the ball lied and watch as a Charger landed on it for a score. Listen…..I know you’re a punter. You’re a soccer player who got thrown on the football team a while ago and if it were me, I probably would of done the same thing. I mean, I’m a pussy. But dude, come on. At least have a small amount of heart and kick it out of the end zone. What a simp.
Jacksonville 24, Tampa Bay 23–This is the surprise of the day. Who would of thought Quinn Gray would lead this team to 24 points and the win on the road? Who would of thought Jeff Garcia would throw three picks? This game is a perfect example of the difference between the AFC and the NFC. The Jag were 4-2, coming off a 22-point whupping at home and starting a quarterback who was a wide receiver on the scout team last year. Tampa was 4-3, playing at home in a must win game. And the Jags won. I bet if Jacksonville was in the NFC South, they’d easily win the division and would be in the hunt with Dallas, New York, and Green Bay for the top seed in the conference.
New England 52, Washington 7–I’m not going to mention the dude at quarterback, who has 30 touchdowns and 2 interceptions in 8 games. I could talk about the receivers, three of whom are absolute monsters. The defense, led by Mike Vrabel (9 tackles, 3 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, TD reception), is a top-10 defense, maybe better. But the Patriots’ offensive line is ABSOLUTELY DOMINANT. I’ve watched a lot of New England football this year, and the main thing that sticks out is that Brady is touched like twice a game. Whatever running back gets in there gets five yards before he’s touched. Matt Light, Logan Mankins, Dan Koppen, Stephen Neal, Nick Kaczur–you guys are monsters. There are a few guys out there who notice who the real MVPs of the team are.
New Orleans 31, San Francisco 10–The 49ers’ offensive coordinator Jim Hostler is reaching John Shoop, Terry Shea status in the Bay Area. Jim, get ready to look for quarterback coach openings in the NAIA.