week 7 roundup

Buffalo 19, Baltimore 14–Brian Billick called two pass plays on 3rd and 4th and 1 late in the 4th quarter as the Ravens attempted a comeback in Orchard Park. Since Kyle Boller is his quarterback, both fell incomplete. Meanwhile, the Bills and Uncle Dick are a miracle last second field goal against Dallas away from being 3-3. Look out, New England!

Detroit 23, Tampa Bay 16–You would think the only game between two above-.500 teams on Sunday would have been the game of the day. You would be dead wrong. For some reason, every game I watch on TV from Ford Field makes me drowsy. Is it the atmosphere of the dome? Or is it that the Lions put me to sleep? I don’t know. I do know that I left this game in the second half to go play Madden.

New England 49, Miami 28–I don’t know if you guys know this, but Tom Brady has a decent game. His receivers are somewhat OK. Unless the Colts can outscore them in Week 9, the only way the Patriots lose this year is if someone gets pressure on Brady and plays ball control on the other side of the ball. Maybe the Chargers? The Giants? I don’t know. Me thinks the season is over already. These guys are dominant.

New Orleans 22, Atlanta 16–Reggie Bush had a nice touchdown and 2-point conversion to clinch the game for the Saints, who at 2-4 are suddenly the second best team in the NFC. Not really, but it seems that way. Byron Leftwich managed to play three quarters before getting carted off. Way to go, Byron!

NY Giants 33, San Francisco 15–Recipe for a loss: bad offensive line + Trent Diler + Giants pass rush = Oh shit, here comes that big dude again and he’s gonna land on me. No one will beat New England, but maybe a team like the Giants have the best shot. A one-two punch at running back that could use ball control to keep Brady off the field. A front four that might put some pressure on Brady. The Giants are the hottest team in the NFC right now.

Washington 21, Arizona 19–Ken Whizzenator must have Tim Rattay on his fantasy team or something. Or he was playing Kurt Warner. I don’t know. 21-13, Warner has played gutty football all day, you’re on the goalline, and you pull him so Rattay can run the play? OK, so it happened to work. So then you need a 2-point conversion. You line up Boldin at QB and Rattay at WR? Maybe Anquin and Tim had a mind switch, like Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron in ‘Like Father, Like Son’. Thats the only reasonable explanation for lining up your Pro Bowl receiver at QB for the most important play of the game.

Tennessee 38, Houston 36–A few weeks ago, the Texans’ Kris Brown had six field goals and was named ECUM’s favorite kicker. Yesterday, Rob Bironas went into Brown’s house and announced his presence with authority. 8 field goals, including a game winner, en route to a two-point win in the best game of the day. Sage Rosenfels had four TD passes……IN THE 4TH QUARTER. Seriously, what the fuck is going on in this league?

Cincinnati 38, NY Jets 31–If Chad Pennington is starting the next game for the Jets, I’d be shocked. The Jets have to be the biggest disappointment in the league, falling to 1-6. Their defense is absolutely horrible. Kenny Watson ran for 130 yards and 3 scores. And TJ Houshamazilli is quietly putting up huge numbers for the Bengals.

Kansas City 12, Oakland 10–Apparently its 2004 because Priest Holmes and Daunte Culpepper played in this game. The Raiders haven’t won a division game since 2003. 4 years without one damn win against your three biggest rivals? Raider fans should be allowed to move on at this point. Go cheer for another team. Or pick one player, and follow him. Rod Bironas is available.

Dallas 24, Minnesota 14–Everyone is talking about how the Cowboys found a way to shut down Adrian Peterson. The dude had 12 carries for 63 yards and a score. The only person that can shut down Purple Jesus is Brad Childress. Listen, I understand you don’t want to pull an Earl Campbell on this kid and give him the rock 40 times a game, thus ending his career in 4 years. But if you give him 18-22 carries instead of 12, your chances of winning have to go up about 10-20 percent. I haven’t done the math or anything, but thats just a guess.

Chicago 19, Philadelphia 16–I don’t know anymore. One week I decide I’m done with this team. The next week they win a big road game against their biggest rival. Then they give up 320 yards rushing to a division team at home. Then they drive 97 yards in under two minutes to win at Philly, a place they haven’t won since I was in junior high. I will say that I was difinitively wrong about Brian Griese. I’m not saying the Bears would of won the Super Bowl last year with him at quarterback; but there is no way the Bears would have won against Green Bay or Philadelphia with Grossman behind center. I will say that the running game is horrific, a combination of bad blocking and a running back who seems somewhat uninterested. Bernard Berrian continues to put in the worst contract year in NFL history. But with all those problems, the Bears are 3-4 with a home game against the Lions before the bye.

Seattle 33, St. Louis 6–Why is Bulger playing? Can someone answer this for me? They are 0-7. He is recovering from broken ribs. His running back was the backup for RUTGERS last year. I picture Bulger and Steven Jackson having a conversation on the sidelines during practice last week:

Bulger: Man, Steve….I can’t wait to get back in there to help the team this week.
Jackson: Oh, uh, yeah…..me too.
Bulger: When did the doc say you could get back in there and help us out?
Jackson: Uhhh, like, next week. Or 2008. He wasn’t really clear.
Bulger: (straps on helmet and starts out to field) Oh. Well, see ya out there!

Denver 31, Pittsburgh 28–So, the Broncos aren’t quite finished yet. The Steelers seem somewhat unbeatable at home, but on the road they’re soft like Jenna Doll’s breasts. (Look her up). Jason Elam hit his 593rd game winning field goal in his 54 year career. Well done, gramps.

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